"Before" Picture!

Okay, so I am all into being healthy with my weight loss but I also wish it would go faster. I keep finding these three day diets or these week diets and wish I could do them. I don't think three days will kill you and I wouldn't do it over and over. But the problem is that I'm picky.

Yeah, I could do the day of just fruit just fine--but not the vegetable day. Or the meat and vegetable day. I'm feeling at a stand still and a few pounds that fast would kick-start me feeling better about it all.

So I was looking through pictures the other day to compile the best ones from 2012. I came across one that I can't stop looking at. I've said before that I didn't take a before picture. I didn't really want to see what I looked like and I didn't want to remember it and I didn't have a bikini to wear so I could see the changes :)

Well, now I have one. Spencer took a picture of me with my nephew when we were babysitting him in April. I remember seeing it and thinking I looked gross but I didn't look too hard. Didn't really want to see. Looking back I can't believe I didn't see how bad I looked. Haha, it's making me self-conscious now that I think I look better but I really still look bad...

The following picture was taken the last week of April. I didn't really start dieting until July 9th. Ew. I really couldn't find very many good pictures of the last year because I was so chubby for so many months. It's hard for me to think about.

This is my before picture. My pants are too tight. My stomach hangs out. I  have a double chin. I was not comfortable in my own skin. I am ashamed of this picture.

So, I decided to take a new picture. I am not one to take pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. Believe me. But it was my best option. I took the following picture November 26--Monday afternoon. Dieting and exercising 4.5 months and having lost 24 pounds.

I am still not where I want to be but I think it's an improvement. I am wearing a belt that sticks out--so it's not all stomach :) But I have lost the double chin and my stomach has improved greatly. My pants button without a problem--the belt isn't necessary to keep my pants up but it helps that annoying pucker in the back...

Dentist...

Okay, I don't even know what to write. I just have time these days and want to :)

My job is seasonal so I have five weeks off and can start again January 2nd. This is both good and bad. I am excited for the break--especially over Christmas. I can enjoy all the holiday stuff without feeling like I don't have time to do anything. I want to start some projects like sewing and selling stuff online and writing my book. But I'm also going to miss having something to do. I liked feeling productive. Work gave me a paycheck and eight hours a day of exercise. I went from losing 1/2 a pound a week to 1.5 pounds a week--when I started working.

Now, more than anything I'm worried about being home to snack during the holidays and not having built in exercise. This is the time of year people gain weight and this is when I'm home and working out on my own again. Oh boy.

So, not weight related but I went to the dentist today. I haven't been in four years. When I went all the time I always had cavities. Every. Single. Time. Well, about a month ago I randomly noticed that there was a hole running down my back tooth. It freaked me out a little bit. But then, I didn't have time to go in and--of course--didn't want to call.

I was eating on Friday and I don't even know what happened. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel anything, I just noticed that half my tooth was gone. And it was sharp and digging into my cheek. It was almost to my gums. That really freaked me out. I stopped eating on that side and waited till Monday since it was a holiday weekend. I called my dentist on Monday and they were booked till January. I don't think well on the phone and maybe they could have done something if they knew how bad it was.

So I went to my husband's dentist this afternoon. Amazingly he filled it like a cavity but said it was so close to being a root canal. He said he could see the nerves under the base of the tooth--at the bottom of the hole. He barely numbed me and did it right then and my tooth feels normal. So happy :)

I need to start going regularly though :(

Four Months

Okay, I know it's been two months. Life's been crazy. But since yesterday was four months since I started trying to lose weight, I thought I'd post.

A lot has happened in the last two months. I got that job at Scholastic Book Fairs! I love working with books but the best part is the exercise. I work in the warehouse and build table tops for the fairs. There's a lot of lifting and moving books and boxes and pulling heavy loads and whatnot. It's also put me on a schedule of eating small amounts every few hours. Haha, hard to snack when  you're working :)

I am happy to say I now weight 149.9! That's 22 pounds down from my starting weight of 171.9. I have lost 13 pounds since I started my job. I really think this is the best job for me right now :)

 I am over half way to my goal weight! Just 15 pounds to go!

And I've started to be able to see a difference in my weight. That's the best part. A couple of weeks ago my husband and I went to the Crystal Hot Springs. I was so excited when I put on my shorts with my swimsuit. I hadn't worn them since the end of July and I remember how tight they were. I still can't get over how great it felt to have them loose! My legs have really slimmed and I can only imagine it's from all the walking at work.

I also finally got up the courage to try on my old jeans. The ones that haven't really fit since March or April. If that. They fit! They're a little tight, but they fit. And the clothes I've been wearing are getting harder and harder to fit into. I'm kind of in between the bigger ones and the smaller ones. It's been rough--haha, in a good way :)

Anyway, so excited for the snow! Putting up Christmas decorations this weekend! Have Christmas smells in the house and I'm making pumpkin chip cookies and listening to Christmas music today :)

The cookies might not be too good for the "diet" though... :)

Feeling good today :)

Feeling good today :) Weight down to 163.0. Interview at Scholastic. Cloudy weather. Great day yesterday. It's starting to feel like fall...And I don't even know all the reasons. I'm just happy.

I'm kind of amazed with myself for staying motivated so long. I've been trying to lose weight for over two months now. I'm down 8.9 pounds. Slow and I can't even see a difference. I have these quotes taped up all over my apartment. I love quotes. I read them sitting on the couch or while I'm doing my hair and make up or getting a meal ready. They're on the TV, the mirror, the cabinets, the light switches, and the fridge.

I also chew a lot of gum. I'm still learning to control the urge to snack for no reason. I go through a lot of gum. Though, I have found that I don't crave unhealthy food as much lately. Yeah, cookies sound good. One sounds like enough though. I can have just two or three pieces of chocolate or candy corn pumpkins. Last night we decided to pick dinner up on the way home. I'd been wanting to eat out but when I really thought about actually doing it--I didn't really want to. Nothing sounded worth the calories. None of it stuck out.

I got Wendy's. Man were those fries good. It's been 6 or 7 weeks. I've also gotten used to water. I don't even want soda. Juice is alright to taste. I don't drink milk anymore. I really, honestly just want water all the time. It's kind of exciting :)

163.4

Lowest weight yet this morning. I was 163.4! That's 8.5 down from where I started. Hope it lasts. I've been thinking lately that I wish I had measured myself before I started trying to lose weight. I didn't really want a picture of how chubby I really was--aside from the fact that I don't have anything revealing enough to see just how bad it was nor would I wear something like that...

Some days I almost feel skinnier. Most days I don't. Yet some how there are 8 pounds that have disappeared from somewhere. I wish I knew if my legs or arms or stomach had shed some centimeters--or whatever is reasonable for this much weight.

So, I've been sick. Just a cold--sore throat, headache, achy, etc. Not fun. Luckily I have nothing to go do with my life and can sit at home being sick. Seriously though. I haven't really been able to exercise. I did have a job interview on Tuesday. It was for a part time mail clerk position at Emdeon. Still haven't heard back. I've applied for a whole bunch of  jobs and this is the only interview I've gotten. I have received several emails saying companies were going with someone else though.

Distractions

Alright, so, I just felt like getting this out. I was sitting here trying to get the motivation to work out--thinking how I didn't need to do anything or talk to anyone if it would make me feel stupid. I've only worked out a half hour this week because of such things. It's been one of those weeks where I feel like crap because of a million things and I take it out on myself. Good thing we don't have anything too unhealthy for me to binge on.

Anyway, I'm about to get up and start exercising when the phone rings. I hate the phone. And I hate when numbers I don't know call. And I hate that right now, I have to answer them. I've been applying for a bunch of jobs and every phone call is a hope that I could get an interview. It's also very, very scary. I have yet to get an interview but I've had at least 4 calls about furthering my education. Seriously! I JUST finished my education.

I've figured out that it's just because they are sneaky and stick their forms right after or in the middle of a job application and I get in this mode. I fill out every box one after another of the same information over and over and over and I hardly look at what it's for anymore. They are very smart. Getting me to put in my information at a time they know I'll answer every phone call in hopes of a job. It is killing me.

Mmmm

Well, I don't know that I'll be weighing myself for a few days. Pretty sure I gained weight this week. I justify with the fact that it was my birthday. I also know that my body just doesn't take a day off putting on the pounds in honor of such a thing as my birthday.

Between the cheesecake, the banana cream pie, the cupcake, the chocolate bar, and the late night pizza I know I'm hurting. I feel fatter--but maybe (hopefully?) just cuz I'm worried about it...

I love finding inspiration on Pinterest. Great quotes, workouts, and examples of weight lose. Problem: the girls who loose 9 lbs in two weeks. Really?! I'm comforted by the fact I know 1-2 pounds a week is HEALTHY. But man would I love to drop 9 lbs that fast :)

1/2 Pound

Yay! I weighed myself this morning and am down another 1/2 pound! I don't entirely understand how it works but I am happy. See, I don't eat the best on weekends. It's hard when I sleep in and eat later and then we're out doing something during dinner time and eat late. Not to mention the cheesecake. Yet my weight still goes down.

I have now lost 6.3 pounds in five weeks. I love the fact that this is the lowest I've been in months. It's too much to just be a fluctuation. It may go up a little every few days but then it goes down farther than before :) I just can't wait until I can SEE the difference--SEE that I've lost weight.

I suck at titles

Alright, so, I've been impressed with myself lately. Not trying to be cocky or anything. There were two times in the last week that I got on the scale and the numbers went up. I put on my workout clothes, exercised, ate a good meal, and moved on. There have been many times I've held myself back--not getting what I want to eat or only have one or two pieces of chocolate instead of a handful.

My progress has been slow. I think part of it is that I still eat some desserts and I think part of it is that I am picky and only like so many healthy things. But I have resigned myself to this being a slow process. One of my motivational quotes: "It took more than a day to gain it; it'll take more than a day to lose it." Not trying to be negative, but it's true.

My weight still hasn't gone below 166.1. In fact, it went up a little this morning. I just remind myself of the fact that for months I was regularly 173. And I remind myself that I have stayed below 167 for over a week. Some days I think I see a difference in myself. Others I think I may have gained. One thing I hate though is when I refuse myself so many things and try to do everything right and my weight goes up the next day. Life I guess.

Lost Weight :)

Alright, so I weighed myself today! I get so excited and nervous and worried every time I step on the scale now. The last few times the weight has gone up or stayed the same. It's been depressing but I hold onto the fact that it is staying below 170. Let me just give some numbers.

I started weighing myself in April. I started at 170.7 and fluctuated up and down one pound for weeks. In May the numbers started going up to 173.5 occasionally. June 1st I hit my highest--174.2. Noting the fact that I wasn't focusing on working out or eating right much. I was just becoming more aware of the need for me to start.

July 10th I weighed myself, started exercising and watching what I ate, and blogged about it. I was 171.9. A week later I was down to 169.3. And five days after that I was at 167.8. In the last two weeks I've gone up. I realize this happens. Weight fluctuates--the very reason I don't weigh myself everyday anymore. But when that would happen and I felt crappy about other things in my life I would eat more than I knew I should...or just bake brownies and eat half the pan. Some days I feel like exercising is pointless, others I try to do as much as possible.

This morning I weighed 166.5 :) I am down 5.4 pounds in 25 days. Not amazing but it's something.

I read somewhere that it helps to use social media to tell everyone what you eat. You don't want to admit to all your friends that you pigged out on brownies when everyone knows you're trying to lose weight. I was going to do that here. I still might. But even the thought of it makes me want to eat better.

I like the fact that I have lost weight--even though I had a handful of Mike n Ikes and that I had a snack at 10 the other night. I'm realizing that this isn't just a diet, I'm trying to change me life. Sounds cliche, I know. But I don't want to lose weight and gain it over the holidays. I'd be right back here. I don't know how many times I can keep going back and forth. I'm trying to train myself to be happy with one cookie. To take almonds to the movies instead of a box (or two) of candy. Yesterday I did have two candy Kisses at my parents' house--but only two. And I didn't take any home. Every time I turn down something I know I would like and know I would eat too much of, I feel a little better about myself.

I can't wait to be able to fit into my jeans this fall and look cute in my clothes again. I'm sick of being self-conscious about my stomach. I fold my arms a lot in church just to feel better about my weight. I like to sit on the couch with a pillow in my lap because it covers my stomach. It's part of the reason I've always loved to wear baggy sweatshirts when I'm upset--to not worry, not suck in, and just be comfortable. Someday I hope to be able to do that in everyday clothes.

Been a few days

Well, I haven't been writing this week. Haven't been exercising either. But I am still eating well. My father-in-law was in an accident Wednesday night coming down Little Cottonwood Canyon. We've been at the hospital most of the last three days. He's currently in his second surgery. I started a blog for the family for updates.

butchgrishamfamily.blogspot.com

One Week

Well, I weighed myself today. It's been a week and I couldn't wait any longer. I'm down 2.6 pounds from last week! Thing is, I've been recording my weight for months because I like keeping track of things and it's not abnormal for me to fluctuate that much each week. The trick will be to keep it going down. Even then, the numbers went down.

I was reading online about weight loss and many sites say that it is best to lose a max of 2 pounds in a week for it to be healthy. This is also encouraging. Though, I did look up how many calories I should be eating. Never found a clear answer. I did, however, find a site that had me put in my weight, height, gender, how much I want to lose, and how fast. Not helpful. I don't know how long it should take me to lose that much.

I have also looked at girls who are my weight and look a lot heavier than I do. Maybe I'm bias but I think I look like I weigh less than they do. Thus, I'm not sure what weight should be my goal. I'm not sure why this is. I did do ballet for 13 years and had a lot of muscle. Not sure how long that sticks around. And muscle weighs more than fat. Right now my goal is to lose 35-40 pounds. But I'll see where I'm at along the way and if that is too much or not enough.

Calculating losing 2 pounds or so a week I would be there by Thanksgiving or so. Haha, just in time for the holidays. I read another blog of a lady who had lost a lot and wanted to lose a little more before her vacation. Well, we're hoping to go on a cruise this fall--probably October. I would love to have lost 20 pounds or so by then. I think that might be my goal for now :)

Camping

Well, not much has changed. The weekend was both hard and easy. Friday I exercised and went camping at Pete's Hole. One good thing about camping--no snacks. We only brought food for meals. We had BBQ chicken, rolls, and jello for dinner. It was so good--camping food is. And we only had water. Though, I didn't drink as much as I should because the bathroom was disgusting and I wanted to go as few times as possible. That and it rained the whole time and it was a wet, muddy trip to the bathroom.

We took doughnuts for Saturday's breakfast. Spencer always has doughnuts camping. I was worried I would eat one. I told him not to let me. With the rain I didn't sleep much. I lay in the tent, listening to the rain pitter on the tent roof, and thought about how much I wanted  a doughnut and how I knew I shouldn't and would regret it. I kept thinking of quotes I'd read: "Fat lasts longer than flavor" and "The junk food that you've been craving for an hour or the body you've wanted for years???" I am happy to say I didn't eat a doughnut. I had my apple and granola bar :)

I feel like I'm getting in better shape. Exercising today was easier. I  hate starting but it feels really good once I get into it. I love sweating and I love feeling sore later. I really really want to weigh myself. I want to see my progress in numbers. I'm just scared it won't show any progress. I know muscle weighs more than fat and weight can go up. I've read numerous weight loss tips saying to stop weighing yourself. I also read some that said it is motivating. Yes...if the numbers go down. I don't want it to discourage me but I want to know that what I'm doing is doing something.

I Decided

So, I have decided not to weigh myself for a few days. As much as I love to see the numbers drop, it is too depressing when they go up. Besides, I can't always weigh myself at the same time everyday and before I eat or drink but after I work out or whatever else. I'm really hoping that the numbers will go down by next time though. That would make it worth it.

I've been looking up lots of sites that have tips for weight loss. Some things are encouraging--things I've already started or would be easy for me to start. Some things are just depressing. The whole picky eating thing is huge here. I also don't know if the exercises I'm doing are "the best." But honestly, I don't care. I figure I was doing so badly before that any improvement to my diet and any exercise will help. Right now, I don't need to be overwhelmed, I just need to work on what I can.

Oh, and I just have to say, as motivating as some of the pictures on these websites are, they are also discouraging. Haha, it's just that a picture of six girls at the gym who are all size 0 doesn't seem entirely realistic. Yes, they are encouraging readers to want to be that size. But it also makes it seem like everyone who works out is that size. All the exercising and diet pictures are of super skinny and athletic people. Sorry, but the shape I'm in doesn't allow me to do all those things with total ease. Not that that is required, it's just a little... unrealistic?

No Junk Food

Actually worked out today--better than yesterday :) Jumping jacks, squats, crunches, leg lifts, some P90X, stretching, etc. Not fun but I felt good after. Went on a walk last night--doesn't do much but at least I'm moving.

So, I went grocery shopping yesterday. The last couple of weeks I haven't kept too many unhealthy things in the apartment. Helps me to eat better. Also sucks when I want some junk food :) Last week I needed something unhealthy--well, I felt like I needed something unhealthy. No ice cream. No chips. No candy. I settled on a handful of chocolate chips. Haha, been doing that for a few months. Need chocolate and that's all we have. I think I've used them for cookies once in the last few months.

As much as I wanted something junk food-y, I was glad we didn't have much.

Bad Habits Got Me Here

So, it's been a while. Life's been crazy and I honestly hardly write in my own journal anymore. But I feel like I need some motivation and posting here is one of the ways I'm getting that.

I'm chubby. I admit it. I'm not in denial or anything; I just don't know what to do about it. I've never had to focus on losing weight before. From age 3 to age 16 I danced 3 to 6 days a week. I wasn't the most flexible and I wasn't the skinniest. I still had bigger thighs than I wanted. But I was in shape. I could walk up the stairs without getting winded like I do now. I could hike without feeling like I was about to die. It is honestly a miracle I made it through that 14 mile hike last month.

I quit dance and focused on school. Bad habits started. I stayed up till all hours of the night studying. I didn't get much sleep and I snacked my way through it all. I have recently noticed how bad my snacking is. I want to eat something, anything, even after I've just eaten. I could be bored or frustrated or upset or whatever else. And for as long as I can remember I've used food as a reward. If I cleaned my room I got to eat the candy bar. For each paragraph of my AP book I read I got a Nerd. So now I feel like if I go all day eating healthy I should get a bowl of ice cream and after I work out I should get to eat some chips.

I managed to stay a normal weight in high school. The summer after I graduated I started P90X. I loved how I felt after every hour long workout. I felt really good about myself. Then I moved to Provo. I had a small bedroom with no room to exercise. I didn't know how to cook anything besides grilled cheese and pasta. Not that I ate much else. I hated using the nasty, dirty dish covered kitchen. Needless to say, I gained the "freshman 15."

I moved home after my first year at BYU with good intentions to start P90X again and lose all the unwanted weight. I was excited to have my own room to exercise in. But I fell into staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning and sleeping in till after noon. I stacked the whole time. I stayed in pjs and watched TV. Three years of school full-time (summers and evenings--a diploma and an associate's) I needed a break. After a month I started dating my husband and a month after that I got a job. Then I was too busy to and tired to work out. I got up at 5:30, got home at 4:00, wrote in my journal, had dinner, sometimes took a nap, and stayed out till midnight with Spencer.

After six months I moved back to Provo--new apartment, new roommates, same situation. I moved home in the fall and started commuting to BYU, going to school full-time, planning my wedding, getting an apartment, moving in, and spending every free moment with Spencer. We even decided to see how much weight we could lose before the wedding... about two days after we weighed ourselves I stopped trying.

Here I am, summer of 2012, and I can't believe it's gotten this bad. I just finished my Bachelor's Degree and don't have a job yet. I started working out doing whatever I could think of a few weeks ago. I started drinking 8 bottles of water a day--which I only recommend if you can get to the bathroom every hour--at least. I feel like I'm drowning in water. But I feel more healthy for it. I am already a picky eater. I've tried to focus more on learning how to cook the last few weeks. It's difficult to focus on learning to cook anything I might possibly eat and keep it all healthy. I still snack lots but I've tried to eat healthy snacks. I've stopped eating after 8 pm--for the most part. etc, etc.

I've been reading up on losing weight and read somewhere that blogging can help. I think paying attention to what I'm doing enough to write it and sharing with other people so I feel responsible to more than just myself will help. That and I really needed to start blogging again.

I know I had a few followers before and am grateful to them for reading. I would love people to read as I post about how this is all going and would love comments--only nice ones though :)