"It is not the ctitic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

~Theodore Roosevelt


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Movin' Out

~There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.
~Author Unknown

I've spent the last four days packing to move back to college. I don't especially like packing, but it's not that bad. The part I don't like is that I'll move it upstairs, to the car, to my apartment, to my room, and then spend hours organizing...

I've started to get this feeling. Of course, it's a lot like when I moved out a year and a half ago. It's hard to explain. Kind of empty and tingly and out of place. Because I won't be at home much longer. I'm committed to the next seven and a half months of school.

And I don't know what it's gonna be like. I don't know what's gonna happen. And if you know me, you know I like to have things planned out. I love my lists-of things to do, to pack, to buy... You might think that having moved out last year it wouldn't be so different. And I guess I am more comfortable with it this time.

But I'll be in a different apartment complex. I have different classes. Different roommates. A different ward. No one I knew last year will be in this year. Well, I might run into some of them around campus... but I never got very close to anyone last year.

I don't know how people go off to college in a different state and don't go home for three or four months. I live less than an hour from BYU and go home every few weeks... Haha, I guess it's a real blessing that that is the case :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Student Bloopers

~Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting."
~Author Unknown

My English teacher last year gave us the following paper made of student bloopers. It is hilarious. I know I've been sharing a lot of things other people wrote or videos I've found on YouTube, but I had to share just one more :)


The World According to Student Bloopers

Richard Lederer
St. Paul's School

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cul- tivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote liter- ature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Vir- gin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself be- fore her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Mac- beth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post with- out stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented elec- tricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a sup- posedl insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy". Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are flaling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolu- tion, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. He reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturailst who wrote the "Organ of the Species". Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Provo Utah...

Alright, funny story. I had this whole blog written out and I published it and I went to my blog to see if the format was correct... and it wasn't there. So I tried again. Still not there.

Well, I was part of the BYU study abroad blog this fall. Normally I've posted to my blog more recently so my new post goes there. But the study abroad blog was most recent. Ya, I posted my personal post to a whole bunch of people I hardly know. Wonderful.

Then I was freaking out and deleted it before I saved it. So now I will attempt to write it all again :)

So, yes, I haven't written much lately. I'm thinking I'll write more when I'm in school and avoiding homework ;)

I've been packing for college this week. On the one hand, I want to get there and get started so I can finish. I want to feel productive that way. And it is kind of exciting that I get to start over in a way-with new roommates, new classes, a new calling, etc. But I'm gonna miss everyone at home and everything that comes with that.

I've honestly tried not to think too much about how I'm moving out in less than a week.

One of my friends on Facebook posted the following video a while ago. Yep, this is what I'm going back to...


Even though I don't agree with this quote, I thought it was funny here :)

~College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.
~George Gobel

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Forgotten Carols

~Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
~Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

So, every year my family goes to The Forgotten Carols. Honestly, it's probably my favorite Christmas tradition. It really brings the Christmas spirit and I love going with my family and the story and the music and the whole nine yards.

If you ever get a chance to go, do it. We see it every year and it doesn't get old. I could listen to the music over and over again. For the past few years my favorite song has been I Cannot Find My Way/Three Kings. So, I thought I'd post it below to share with you :)


Monday, December 6, 2010

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas

The summer after I graduated from high school I took a Personal Ethics class at the community college to finish my Associates Degree. Just the title made me excited. It was nothing like I expected. Yet, it was one of my favorite classes.

I was thinking the other day about the following story that we read in class one time. The images really stuck out in my head. I couldn't forget it. And even though it isn't true, it haunted me when I read it the first time. And like every other thing I read for that class and every discussion we had, it really made me think.

I thought I'd share it on here. It is a little long and there are some parts that, again, may not be true, but may be hard to imagine or consider or however you want to put it.



The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas
by Ursula K LeGuin

With a clamor of bells that set the swallows soaring, the Festival of
Summer came to the city Omelas, bright-towered by the sea. The ringing
of the boats in harbor sparkled with flags. In the streets between
houses with red roofs and painted walls, between old moss-grown
gardens and under avenues of trees, past great parks and public
buildings, processions moved.

Some were decorous: old people in long stiff robes of mauve and
gray, grave master workmen, quiet, merry women carrying their babies
and chatting as they walked. In other streets the music beat faster, a
shimmering of gong and tambourine, and the people went dancing, the
procession was a dance. Children dodged in and out, their high calls
rising like the swallows' crossing flights over the music and the
singing. All the processions wound towards the north side of the city,
where on the great water-meadow called the Green Fields boys and
girls, naked in the bright air, with mud-stained feet and ankles and
long, lithe arms,exercised their restive horses before the race. The
horses wore no gear at all but a halter without bit. Their manes were
braided with streamers of silver, gold, and green. They flared their
nostrils and pranced and boasted to one another; they were vastly
excited, the horse being the only animal who has adopted our
ceremonies as his own.

Far off to the north and west the mountains
stood up half encircling Omelas on her bay. The air of morning was so
clear that the snow still crowning the Eighteen Peaks burned
with white-gold fire across the miles of sunlit air, under the dark
blue of the sky. There was just enough wind to make the banners that
marked the racecourse snap and flutter now and then. In the silence of
the broad green meadows one could hear the music winding throughout the
city streets, farther and nearer and ever approaching, a cheerful
faint sweetness of the air from time to time trembled and gathered
together and broke out into the great joyous clanging of the bells.

Joyous! How is one to tell about joy? How describe the citizens of
Omelas?

They were not simple folk, you see, though they were happy. But we do
not say the words of cheer much any more. All smiles have become
archaic. Given a description such as this one tends to make certain
assumptions. Given a description such as this one tends to look next
for the King, mounted on a splendid stallion and surrounded by his
noble knights, or perhaps in a golden litter borne by great-muscled
slaves. But there was no king. They did not use swords, or keep
slaves. They were not barbarians, I do not know the rules and laws of
their society, but I suspect that they were singularly few. As they
did without monarchy and slavery, so they also got on without the
stock exchange, the advertisement, the secret police, and the
bomb. Yet I repeat that these were not simple folk, not dulcet
shepherds, noble savages, bland utopians. There were not less complex
than us.

The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and
sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather
stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the
treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the
terrible boredom of pain. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. If it
hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to
embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost
lost hold; we can no longer describe happy man, nor make any
celebration of joy. How can I tell you about the people of Omelas?
They were not naive and happy children--though their children were, in
fact, happy. They were mature, intelligent, passionate adults whose
lives were not wretched. O miracle! But I wish I could describe it
better. I wish I could convince you. Omelas sounds in my words like a
city in a fairy tale, long ago and far away, once upon a time. Perhaps
it would be best if you imagined it as your own fancy bids, assuming
it will rise to the occasion, for certainly I cannot suit you all. For
instance, how about technology? I think that there would be no cars or
helicopters in and above the streets; this follows from the fact that
the people of Omelas are happy people. Happiness is based on a just
discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor
destructive, and what is destructive. In the middle category,
however--that of the unnecessary but undestructive, that of
comfort, luxury, exuberance, etc.--they could perfectly well have
central heating, subway trains, washing machines, and all kinds of
marvelous devices not yet invented here, floating light-sources,
fuelless power, a cure for the common cold. Or they could have none of
that: it doesn't matter. As you like it. I incline to think that
people from towns up and down the coast have been coming to Omelas
during the last days before the Festival on very fast little trains
and double-decked trams, and that the trains station of Omelas is
actually the handsomest building in town, though plainer than the
magnificent Farmers' Market.

But even granted trains, I fear that
Omelas so far strikes some of you as goody-goody. Smiles, bells,
parades, horses, bleh. (I edited out this part-not that wonderful...) One thing
I know there is none of in Omelas is guilt.

But what else should there
be? I thought at first there were no drugs, but that is
puritanical. For those who like it, the faint insistent sweetness of
drooz may perfume the ways of the city, drooz which first brings a
great lightness and brilliance to the mind and limbs, and then after
some hours a dreamy languor, and wonderful visions at last of the very
arcane and inmost secrets of the Universe, as well as exciting the
pleasure of sex beyond all belief; and it is not habit-forming. For
more modest tastes I think there ought to be beer.

What else, what
else belongs in the joyous city? The sense of victory, surely, the
celebration of courage. But as we did without clergy, let us do
without soldiers. The joy built upon successful slaughter is not the
right kind of joy; it will not do; it is fearful and it is trivial. A
boundless and generous contentment, a magnanimous triumph felt not
against some outer enemy but in communion with the finest and fairest
in the souls of all men everywhere and the splendor of the world's
summer: This is what swells the hearts of the people of Omelas, and the
victory they celebrate is that of life. I don't think many of them
need to take drooz.

Most of the processions have reached the Green Fields by now. A
marvelous smell of cooking goes forth from the red and blue tents of
the provisioners. The faces of small children are amiably sticky; in
the benign gray beard of a man a couple of crumbs of rich pastry are
entangled. The youths and girls have mounted their horses and are
beginning to group around the starting line of the course. An old
woman, small, fat, and laughing, is passing out flowers from a basket,
and tall young men wear her flowers in their shining hair. A child of
nine or ten sits at the edge of the crowd alone, playing on a wooden
flute.

People pause to listen, and they smile, but they do not speak to him,
for he never ceases playing and never sees them, his dark eyes wholly
rapt in the sweet, thing magic of the tune.

He finishes, and slowly lowers his hands holding the wooden flute.

As if that little private silence were the signal, all at once a
trumpet sounds from the pavilion near the starting line: imperious,
melancholy, piercing. The horses rear on their slender legs, and some
of them neigh in answer. Sober-faced, the young riders stroke the
horses' necks and soothe them, whispering. "Quiet, quiet, there my
beauty, my hope..." They begin to form in rank along the starting
line. The crowds along the racecourse are like a field of grass and
flowers in the wind. The Festival of Summer has begun.

Do you believe? Do you accept the festival, the city, the joy? No?
Then let me describe one more thing.

In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas,
or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious private homes, there
is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps
in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed
window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a
couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads, stand near a
rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar
dirt usually is.

The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet
or disused tool room. In the room, a child is sitting. It could be a
boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is
feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become
imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. It picks its nose
and occasionally fumbles vaguely with its toes or genitals, as it sits
hunched in the corner farthest from the bucket and the two mops. It is
afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it
knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and
nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes,
except that sometimes--the child has no understanding of time or
interval--sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person,
or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the
child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at
it with frightened, disgusted eyes. The food bowl and the water jug
are hastily filled, the door is locked; the eyes disappear. The people
at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always
lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother's
voice, sometimes speaks. "I will be good, " it says. "Please let me
out. I will be good!" They never answer. The child used to scream for
help at night, and cry a good deal, but now it only makes a kind of
whining, "eh-haa, eh-haa," and it speaks less and less often. It is so
thin there are no calves to its legs; its belly protrudes; it lives on
a half-bowl of corn meal and grease a day. It is naked. Its buttocks
and thighs are a mass of festered sores, as it sits in its own
excrement continually.

They all know it is there, all the people of Omelas. Some of them have
come to see it, others are content merely to know it is there. They
all know that it has to be there. Some of them understand why, and
some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty
of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of
their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their
makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of
their skies, depend wholly on this child's abominable misery.

This is usually explained to children when they are between eight and
twelve, whenever they seem capable of understanding; and most of those
who come to see the child are young people, though often enough an
adult comes, or comes back, to see the child. No matter how well the
matter has been explained to them, these young spectators are always
shocked and sickened at the sight. They feel disgust, which they had
thought themselves superior to. They feel anger, outrage, impotence,
despite all the explanations. They would like to do something for the
child. But there is nothing they can do. If the child were brought up
into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed
and comforted, that would be a good thing, indeed; but if it were
done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight
of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms. To
exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that
single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands
for the chance of happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within
the walls indeed.

The terms are strict and absolute; there may not even be a kind word
spoken to the child.

Often the young people go home in tears, or in a tearless rage, when
they have seen the child and faced this terrible paradox. They may
brood over it for weeks or years. But as time goes on they begin to
realize that even if the child could be released, it would not get
much good of its freedom: a little vague pleasure of warmth and food,
no real doubt, but little more. It is too degraded and imbecile to
know any real joy. It has been afraid too long ever to be free of
fear. Its habits are too uncouth for it to respond to humane
treatment. Indeed, after so long it would probably be wretched without
walls about it to protect it, and darkness for its eyes, and its own
excrement to sit in. Their tears at the bitter injustice dry when they
begin to perceive the terrible justice of reality, and to accept
it. Yet it is their tears and anger, the trying of their generosity
and the acceptance of their helplessness, which are perhaps the true
source of the splendor of their lives. Theirs is no vapid,
irresponsible happiness. They know that they, like the child, are not
free. They know compassion. It is the existence of the child, and
their knowledge of its existence, that makes possible the nobility of
their architecture, the poignancy of their music, the profundity of
their science. It is because of the child that they are so gentle with
children. They know that if the wretched one were not there sniveling
in the dark, the other one, the flute-player, could make no joyful
music as the young riders line up in their beauty for the race in the
sunlight of the first morning of summer.

Now do you believe them? Are they not more credible? But there is one
more thing to tell, and this is quite incredible.

At times one of the adolescent girls or boys who go see the child does
not go home to weep or rage, does not, in fact, go home at
all. Sometimes also a man or a woman much older falls silent for a day
or two, then leaves home. These people go out into the street, and
walk down the street alone. They keep walking, and walk straight out
of the city of Omelas, through the beautiful gates. They keep walking
across the farmlands of Omelas. Each one goes alone, youth or girl,
man or woman.

Night falls; the traveler must pass down village streets, between the
houses with yellow- lit windows, and on out into the darkness of the
fields. Each alone, they go west or north, towards the mountains. They
go on. They leave Omelas, they walk ahead into the darkness, and they
do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less
imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe
it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to
know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

----------------

I am still not sure what I think of this story. It paints a horrible picture for the child. I just imagine what I would feel like in that position. And I don't know how I'd handle living in that city. Because I don't think anyone would let you help the child. Yet walking away does nothing to help the child either. Because the city will go on. They will be happy and prosperous. The child will still be sitting alone in a dark and disgusting closet. Walking away is only hurting yourself, talking you away from happiness that will be there anyway.

Yet staying is like you are accepting the child's fate. Like you're condoning it. You would also be using the child. Is it better that one person suffers their entire life so everyone else can be happy? Wouldn't it be better if everyone shared the suffering and learned from it?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Would have been Paris...

~Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.
~Sholem Asch


Today I would have come home from Paris.

Would have. Sometimes it's hard to believe I didn't go. Others I can't believe I was going to. Like I've said before, I see the pictures on Facebook from several of the people who went. They look like they're having a great time. I just cannot picture myself there with them.

Ya know, there were a lot of reasons I didn't go. Don't want to get into that. And I know it would have been a great learning experience and all. But I can't bring myself to regret staying home.

Back in August every time I saw an airplane in the sky my stomach dropped and my heart felt sick. I didn't want to leave Utah. I didn't want to miss everyone. I didn't want to deal with it all. I was counting down days until today, December 4th. I wanted it to be the day I was coming back when I should have been counting down to September 8th, the day I would have left.

So I stayed at Beehive, worked an extra three months. Been living back at home for seven months now. And, I admit, now that I would have been back, it doesn't seem like it would have been that long. Like maybe if I could have experienced what I would have if I'd gone and didn't have to actually be gone three months...

Friday, December 3, 2010

Two Weeks Notice

~Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.
~Robert Fulghum


I just have to tell you about my day. It was pretty eventful considering... See, I know all jobs are monotonous. But sewing elastic in a straight line all day really bores me out of my mind sometimes.

I was going to wake up early. I say that all the time. But today I needed to get to work early to talk to my supervisor-so of course I got up LATE. Not late like when I woke up when I normally leave last week, haha, but later than I wanted.

When I started at Beehive Clothing I felt like I was in a rush ALL DAY LONG. I woke up in just enough time to get ready, knew the light patterns driving, rushed into work, and spent the next eight and a half hours going as fast as I possibly could to get to 100% efficiency. Sewing elastic on forty pieces of cloth in ten minutes seemed impossible. But, I got faster and it's not quite as big of a deal anymore.

But I still like to end each day part way through a bundle so I can start the next day a little ahead and not worry so much. Today, I wasn't part way through one. Shouldn't have been a problem but my stitching was really loose and I had a hard time picking it out when I had to fix something. I got really irritated and talked to my bundle-handler about it. She put in a call for a mechanic.

I kept sewing until he came and told him what was going on. Normally when someone has a machine problem there is a spare machine so they can keep working. But there was a lady using our spare because hers broke yesterday (from what I understand). So... I stood and watched.

He took the plate of the bottom inside and found a whole mess of thread tangled around the parts. Haha, no idea how I managed to do that! It took him about twenty minutes to fix everything and part of the time I got to turn the finished ones right side out :) It was actually a really nice change.

So I was really behind... and got a bunch of large bundles... and a whole mess of re-cuts for over an hour... all very stressful. Now, I had to put in my two weeks today. I've known this for months. But every time I had a break my supervisor was walking around the department. When I was working I could see her at her desk. Frustrating? Yes.

I was all nervous and anxious about quitting anyway. But when I clocked out she was at her desk! So I went and talked to her... December 17th will be my last day.

I'm kind of sad... and yet I do not want to think about how I have to go back to work on Monday. But it really is a good job. And a good environment. The pay isn't bad and I get to listen to music-not deal with customers. I work at my own pace and get paid based on how much I do. But the monotony... and my back is killin' me :)

I also worry because of the need right now. They've had back-orders since before I started five months ago. But they've been going up. And it's Christmas time and they sale twice as much this month as any other. But, on top of that, the fire in the American Fork plant had terrible timing.

There wasn't much damage but the smoke in the building ruined a lot of the material. And they are busing employees from there to the Salt Lake plant to keep them working-it's kind of crowded :)

Anyway, that was my not-normal day at work. And the first time I've ever given two weeks notice... my first job was just seasonal :)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bucket List

~Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
~Danny Kaye

I have a bucket list. I love the idea of putting down a whole bunch of things I want to do in my life. And it's not like once I do all those things I can die... I will always be adding. I think it gives something to look forward to.

I've only done two things on my current bucket list. One was to see a shooting star :) I saw one this summer. I even wished on it. No, that wish didn't come true-but I've never really believed in wishes...

I thought I'd share some of the things on my bucket list!

~Buy something for the exact amount on a gift card (including tax)

~Dance in the rain in a nice dress

~Flush a whole roll of toilet paper

~Go surfing

~Ice skate on an actual pond

~Lay in an intersection and watch the lights change

~Ride in a taxi

~Write a message in cups on an overpass

~Ride in a hot air balloon

~Leave the country

~Publish a best-selling novel


I have a list of more than forty things... and even right now my mind is going through more things I can add :) It's kind of exciting!

Monday, November 29, 2010

King of Anything

SOOoooo... I've decided I'm sick of trying to find a topic and write all organized and crap on here. I guess I feel like I should-being an English major and all... but that's exactly why I shouldn't.

Yep, I need a place I can write how I want. I am sick of worrying what people think of me. And I honestly can't find a reason in the world that I should care. I just want to be myself-more than just in my journal. A journal that no one reads.

Think what you will. Say what you want. I'm gonna work on not caring. Because I think it will take work. I think the hardest thing to change is your thoughts. And when my thoughts are preoccupied with what other people's thoughts are there isn't room for me to really think.

So this is me declaring my new goal of being myself. I may not always be happy. I may complain. I'm not going to pretend something just so others are happy.

If you haven't heard the song "King of Anything" by Sarah Bareilles you should totally listen to it. I LOVE it. And I think it fits here.

School... Work... Whatever

~No man who worships education has got the best out of education.... Without a gentle contempt for education no man's education is complete.
~G.K. Chesterton

All right. I'm sad the long weekend is over, but I'm looking forward to the next few weeks :) And I am LOVING the snow. Granted, I don't like getting up twenty minutes earlier to scrape my car, slide all over the neighborhood (and when I'm not sliding I'm getting stuck :P), try to stay in the made-up lanes down the highway, and park in an unplowed parking lot...

But all that is just fine because the snow is beautiful and it's cold out and it's starting to feel like Christmas!!!

So I was thinking last week how much work is like school. Yes, I know they always told us this kind of thing in high school. No, I didn't really care. Like how we had to practice being on time to school. I kind of quit caring about that senior year... and the end of the semester in college... right now, I swear it's the snow that's making me late to work :)

Or how much I look forward to lunch and stretching breaks. Haha, and how I calculate all day how long I have until the next break or when I'm halfway through the day... both work wise and over all (including breaks). And yes, I may be able to get up to go get a drink or go to the bathroom... but it's still like I'm not supposed to what with my being "graded" (with a daily work percentage and everything) and all.

I have to wait for my bundle-handler to come by to ask for needles, thread, elastic, and bundles. I always have to have my tools... like the pen and paper in school, I need a pen, nippers, tweezers, and glasses. I have to keep my work area clean, do what my bundle-handler or supervisor says, and try not to disrupt anyone. And, if we get behind, we get to work over-time to make up for it.

I can't say I was ever excited to start working full-time after school. I also can't say I wanted to stay in school. And even though they seem very much alike (though, one I'm paying for and one is paying me :) ) I am kind of excited to go back to school next semester. For the record, I said "kind of"...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dear Mr. President

~The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits.
~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Pretty sure my MP3 player has a mind of it's own. It goes through phases. Like playing all my church songs and young womens music in a row for ten songs... it can be too much. Or today when it played a song, played another, and went back to the one before... really? Haha, I have over 700 songs on there right now.

I haven't put any new music on in at least six weeks. Okay, except for Taylor Swift's new CD-which is AMAZING, by the way :) But for some reason there were all these songs this week that I haven't heard. Maybe I just don't pay attention. I don't know. About seven and a half hours of listening to music five days a week... you'd think I'd know every song on there by heart.

Well, there's this song I heard this week by Pink called "Dear Mr. President." It was very thought provoking, in my opinion. I've listened to it several times and actually ended up researching a little bit about it. According to a few cites and online articles it is in reference to President Bush. But honestly, I think it is just interesting to think about... particularly the first third or so.

I don't mean any disrespect to Bush and would like to say I think it can go for any president or king or anything of the like.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Road Rage?

~Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
~Author Unknown

~Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.
~Mac McCleary

Sometimes I wonder how many people swear at me a day.

See, I try to go the speed limit. Ya, sometimes I go over :) But I am terrified of being pulled over so whenever I think about how a cop might see me, I slow down. Besides that there is the fact that construction on Bangerter Highway is ridiculous. As in, there is none. That being said, they have a million cones down the sides of the road and speed limit signs at 45 mph instead of 55 or 60.

There was one trip on the freeway when I was coming home from college for the weekend when I counted how many people sped around me. It was some crazy number I don't remember. And you can always tell when the person behind you is upset. They get really close and move back and forth a little in the lane. Sometimes I just laugh at them and estimate how long it will be until they swerve around me :) Very entertaining.

I watched a car for about half my drive to work the other morning. The kind of driver I could not be because my stress levels would skyrocket. They would swerve around someone, speed up to cover the space to the next car, break really hard again and again, drive really close the them until there was another opening, and do the same thing all over again. So annoying. And honestly, they got, like, three cars ahead of me after ten minutes. Haha, not worth it.

Anyway, I was driving the other day and remembered all the things I say to people who are being stupid on the road. Ya, I have a little bit of road rage. But until this week I'd never thought much of what others say about/to me. Haha, I kind of think it would be interesting it hear. Also, probably good that I don't :)

~The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
~Dave Barry

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

~If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance.
~Andrea Boydston

So, I was just thinking today of an email I got from my brother when he was on his mission. I had to look it up and read it through and felt it was appropriate for a Sunday post :)

There is apparently debate over who the author is-I found Elder Henry B. Eyring and Dr. Bob Moorehead.


The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line.
The Decision has been made.

I AM A DISCIPLE OF JESUS CHRIST.

I won't look back. let up, slow down. or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded . I now live by Faith, lean on HIS presence, walk with patience. I am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power . My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the advesary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And when He returnes for His Own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My Banner will be clear.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Remember when sick was fun...

~llness is the most heeded of doctors: to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; pain we obey. ~Marcel Proust

~If you do everything you should do, and do not do anything you should not do, you will, according to the best available statistics, live exactly eighteen hours longer than you would otherwise.
~Logain Clendening

Pretty sure I jinxed myself this week :) So, I'd been planning on calling in sick yesterday so I could go down to Provo and look at apartments and talk to the financial people at BYU about a whole bunch of stuff. But I felt really guilty about calling in sick when I wasn't really sick. Ya, people do it all the time or whatever other excuse but I don't think it's right. And I would have given notice but I wasn't sure what day I could go until two days before... and that didn't seem courteous either...

So, Tuesday at work I start to feel sick. Yep, I really got to call in sick Wednesday. I'm still sick today. And I don't think I have enough sick leave hours to call in sick tomorrow even if I need to. It's great fun. Haha, but at least I don't feel bad about lying to my supervisor...

Remember when being sick was fun? Alright, it wasn't fun to feel crappy. But I got to stay home from school and watch movies all day. I got to drink Sprite in bed or on the couch and request meals and snacks because not everything sounded good. My mom would pour me a bath and put blankets and pillows on the couch for me. And whoever was sick always got full rein of the couch. Besides, who wants to sit next to a sick person?

But yesterday I really went to Provo. Even though I didn't have to go to work, life goes on. There was a point in high school when it was no good being sick anymore. I'd lay at home watching the clock knowing I would have been in stats getting a two hour homework assignment or taking that test I'd have to make up or having a review session for the mid-term. And having to go back to everything you missed and being so behind was arguably worse than actually going to school.

And then I moved to college and I dreaded the day I'd get sick. Not only did I miss all kinds of "important" things in class but I also had no one to take care of me. True, the watching movies all day without a care thing ended long ago but I had to go to the store and buy my own medicine. There was no one there to pour me a bath or bring me ice cold Sprite or make grilled cheese sandwiches.

I never got very sick at college-which was a miracle when my roommate was sick several times. But it scared me because it would have been worse than just feeling crappy.

Anyway, it's also 11-11 today!!! Haha, and I actually walked into my room and looked at the clock this morning and it was 11:11!!! So, I made a wish :) Can't wait for 11:11 on 11-11-11...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Murphy's Laws

~A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
~Jessamyn West

So, I believe in Jinxing. It pretty much means that when you say something won't happen... it does. Or visa versa. Yes, I've gotten crap about how it's not real. But I just have to say, while it doesn't always happen... when something like that does, it was jinxed :)

It's kind of like irony-which I absolutely love, by the way. It's so fun to find irony in my own life and some days everything is so ironic it's funny. It makes life interesting, keeps me entertained.

The other day I came across a site of Murphy's Laws and had a lot of fun reading through them. There were a lot I'd heard a million times and some that didn't really sound like Murphy's Laws cuz I guess people could send them in. I'd recommend reading through some. But I picked some of my favorites :)

-No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

-The other line always moves faster.

-It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.

-Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

-The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.

-If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.

-Paper is always strongest at the perforation.

-Window polishing: It's always on the other side.

-Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.

-Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.

-If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.

-The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.

And probably my favorite:

-In order to get a personal loan, you mush first prove you don't need it.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Sights and Smells

~When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
~Steven Wrigh

It's Friday!!! Hallelujah! AND I don't have to work tomorrow... but I think that's gonna come back to bite me cuz we are still behind and we're only not working cuz we don't have the material.

So, I was walking out of work today, passing another department, and all the sudden I started thinking about seventh grade gym. Random? Yes. Pretty sure someone was wearing a lot of body spray. Totally took me back to the cold, yellowed locker rooms at Elk Ridge and how much I hated that class... but the ten million scents of body spray happened at the end of class :)

I was just thinking how smells can take us back to our past. They're pretty powerful that way :) It's kind of like that song, "I Go Back" by Kenny Chesney:

"Cause everytime I hear that song....

I go back to the smell of an old gym floor
The taste of salt on the Carolina shore
After graduation and drinkin goodbye to friends
And I go back to watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back, I go back"

Haha, this song actually reminds me of the last full day I worked at my first job :) They left the sound system on while we cleaned up-which wasn't normal-and I was walking around the field picking up stakes and cones and cords and fans (I worked for a carnival company!) and singing to the song-which I was usually embarrassed to do. Not that day.

It's kind of crazy to me how songs and smells and things have that kind of effect on us. How it starts to just smell like Christmas. Or you can't listen to a song when you're happy cuz it's one of the songs on your sad playlist. Or how the perfume I got from my mom smells like her. And I can remember the first time I heard most of my favorite songs. Ya, I'm not being very poetic about describing this today, but I hope I make my point :)

I'm sure excited for all the smells and sounds of Winter and Christmas. Even going back to school in January... I love the smell of newly sharpened pencils and new books. So glad I can see and smell and hear :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Can't Wait for the Cold

~Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.
~Mignon McLaughlin

One post a month! Got on that early this month :P Just kidding, I want to blog more... just need to find a way to keep motivated after work.

Back in seventh grade I started riding the bus to school. I was so excited. Ya, it may seem a little weird but I was always so jealous of the kids who rode the bus in elementary school. They gathered in groups and talked and hung out the windows and it just looked like a party in there. I, on the other hand, walked out of school and across the field to find my mom's van. We car pooled sometimes, which was fun. And I guess a major upside was stopping for ice cream at Arctic Circle on the way home once a week.

Riding the bus was fun for a while. Then it got boring and routine. And then it got cold. I started waking up to frost on the windows and on the grass. I could see my breath the whole way around the block. It was cold-though I think I was hard-pressed to admit it to my parents. I liked just wearing a sweatshirt or jacket and I didn't have a coat... at least not one I liked. Pretty sure I still had the purple marshmallow from the year before but that wasn't cool anymore. Actually, probably never was :)

So my dad took me to Wal-Mart to look for a coat. I fought it. But when I saw the coat I got I knew I wanted it. It was plain black and longer. It wasn't puffy and didn't have a ginormous hood. Really, I'm not sure what was so great about it, but I liked it. I don't remember the reason but I had to convince my dad to get it. Maybe it was expensive. I don't know. But I promised him I would wear it more than one year. It wasn't like the marshmallow that I hardly wore for one winter-and maybe three months of it at that. I was pretty happy when we got it.

Well, that coat got me through last winter. In fact, it got me through seven winters. Some years I wore it more than others and I've had other coats that I wore occasionally. But that one lasted. Ya, it's worn out. And yes, there is a button missing on the sleeve. And yes, at the very end of last winter I discovered a long tear down the side of it. Now, I'm not trying to be dramatic... alright, not too dramatic. It's just a coat.

I bought a new coat yesterday! I'm pretty excited for it to get cold. As if I wasn't already :) It's not what I went to the store looking for but I like it better than what I had in mind.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Snow!

~Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.
~Roger Miller


Well, I figure I have to have at least one post a month... But seriously, I think the first snow this winter warranted a blog post :)

I've been loving the rain this weekend. It is absolutely beautiful! I just wish I had a covered porch so I could sit outside and enjoy it. And while I had heard there would be snow this week, I wasn't expecting it until Wednesday.

I woke up late, like normal. I guess I shouldn't call it late anymore, huh? But I've learned to get ready really quickly and headed upstairs by 6 am. I glanced out the kitchen window, expecting a wet and rainy morning. But the ground was white and the trees in my neighbor's backyard were heavy with snow. It looked like each leaf had its own coating. Like the rain, it was beautiful.

I hate that the first thing I said-out loud in my dark sleeping house-was something like, "NOOooooo!"

So irritating.

I love snow. I love the cold. I love the rain. Winter is wonderful.

But the last few years have made me fight for my love of such things. Like when I started walking to and from the bus stop. Or when I started having to scrape my car to drive to school. And when I had to walk across campus to my classes every day. My twenty minute commute at six in the morning is just another such thing.

But even so, I continue to love it all. The silent white flakes floating to the ground. The chill in the air outside. The warmth of the heater in the front room. Curling up in sweats and a blanket on the couch to read with the frost covered window close by. Drinking hot chocolate and walking around downtown under the strings of lights in an already beautiful Temple Square. Mittens and scarfs and hats. Fuzzy boots and fluffy coats. Making snow angels and not being able to get up. Getting all dressed up to go into the backyard and only lasting twenty minutes. Searching to find just the right scrapes to decorate a lopsided snowman. Sliding across the black ice in the parking lot just for fun. Trudging through the snow to go anywhere and ending up with half-frizzy hair and not minding one bit. Listening to Christmas music as you drive at half speed down slushy streets.....

There are a million things to love about the snow, about the winter. And while everyone complains I enjoy it. Yes, it can be frustrating, irritating, and annoying. But I wouldn't trade it in for twelve months of summer. I look forward to it every year.

Monday, September 13, 2010

SePTeMBeR

~You are doomed to make choices.
This is life's greatest paradox.
~Dr. Wayne Dyer

So the Paris Study Abroad group started classes today. Thanks to Facebook I've seen plenty of pictures of the Eiffel Tower, macaroons, and old buildings. It makes me slightly jealous but I'm so curious about what they're doing that I can't bring myself to block them from my news feed.

And while I admit part of me wants to be in Paris, it seems like more stress and worry than anything else. Yes, I worry too much, but still... And I can't imagine living there for three months. I want to see the sights and try some of the food and take some awesome pictures... but that's the most of it.

I don't remember now if I said it before, but I do think I was going for the wrong reasons. I wanted to have an experience. I wanted to be able to say I spent three months in France. I wanted the pictures and to say I tried French pastries. But it wasn't really for me, it was for other people-if that makes any sense.

But I don't regret not going.

I should have graduated training at work today-haha, well, I did, just not officially and in front of everyone. My trainer is now monitoring me for two more weeks and, as far as I know, I won't have an auditor come around anymore! Hallelujah!!! At least, she didn't come today :)

My average for last week was 110% and I made 120% one day! I really feel like I'm doing better with measurements too. I hardly have to change the numbers on my machine anymore. Well, the different materials change it a little and the really big sizes but that's it. I don't pick out the stitches as much either-when I do it's mostly because there are stains on the elastic that I don't catch.

And I've made a goal for myself. See, the elastic is sewn together with red thread every so-often throughout the roll. I sew a heck of a lot of them in and then have to fix it. It's a pain and it takes time. So, I'm trying to go a whole day without having that problem... then I'll try a whole week. Today, I only did it twice!

Anyway, that's kind of an update. I know I need to blog more and I don't really have an excuse for not blogging. Haha, more like I've started so many posts with how I want to write more often or should or why I haven't...

Monday, August 23, 2010

Monday

~Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life.
~Author Unknown

~Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon, there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday.

Alright, feeling slightly productive even after a rough day at work, so I thought I'd blog. Nothing big. Don't have much to say :)

Oh Mondays... I had a seminary teacher who loved Mondays. They were his favorite day of the week. I quite admired that, but I had a hard time understanding it myself. Ya, fresh start but they just are not fun!

The obvious problem would be that they are so far away from the weekend. I can't really argue that. But I have a hard time getting back into things after the weekend. My efficiency today was terrible. I don't have the percentage-I get it the next day-but I don't think I want to know :P But I think what throws me off personally, is the devotional we have at work on Monday mornings.

See, I have goals throughout the day. And when we take a half hour out of the day (one I quite enjoy really) it puts me behind. And when I feel behind I go more slowly cuz I don't feel quite as motivated. Ya, I know I can work on that. But it's also kind of become my excuse for doing poorly on Mondays :)

Plus, I have to take time to change my needles and oil my machine. And today, my MP3 Player (really my brother's that I am borrowing) quit. Like, no warning. Nothing. It now has a black screen and it won't even turn off. Ya, the light's still on and it quit on me about nine hours ago. Can't make it work. It was a long afternoon without music... and I can imagine tomorrow if I don't figure something out...

Alright, enough with the negativity. I did get my hair dyed today! I love when it's redone! I did the same blond streaks on top and red underneath. Except, I did do the red a little darker in hopes that it won't fade as much... Haha, I just know I'm gonna have fun with the bleeding colors every time I wash it for the next week or two :)

Positives I'll share on the Internet... I get paid Friday! And I have overtime on this pay check! Pretty excited. Let's see... I got my financial aid information. Turns out, if I was still going to France, I'd have a good chunk of money :) But then I'm not going. Haha, and it's kind of sad to look at those numbers and know I now have to tell BYU I'm not going to school until January and watch the money go away...

Wow, that turned negative! Geez! I swear I don't mean to be so down! I write plenty of happy things in my journal :) Haha, which is part of the reason I don't get to blogging...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Updates...

~Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.
~Robert Anthony

So, I haven't slept very much lately. Oh, probably 3 1/2 or 4 hours a night... haha, but I don't mind. I accidentally take 3 hour naps several days a week, so I thought I was okay. Last night I fell asleep at 10:30, woke up and took out my contacts at 3:30, and didn't wake up until 12:30. I got 14 hours of sleep!

I'm at about 90% efficiency at work! But, that is when I'm trying my absolute hardest and pushing all day to keep up with my expectations-15 bundles by breakfast, 29 by lunch... etc. I don't know how I'm going to get to 100%. I wasn't too worried, since I was supposed to put in my two weeks notice yesterday, but now that I'm staying, I have to worry about such things.

Which leads to my next thing: I have decided not to go on the study abroad to France this fall. There are a lot of reasons but I feel a lot better about everything now. I wasn't ready, wasn't excited. I'll be staying home and working this semester-and I'm kind of excited about having money :)

Oh, and I'm nineteen now! I'm excited, just because whenever I told people how old I was this last year, they assumed I was a senior in high school... Dang summer birthdays :) Haha, I don't mind, really, just that I feel younger than everyone "my age." If that makes any sense. Everyone I graduated with will start turning twenty in a few weeks-holy cow! That's crazy! I know, twenty isn't that old. It just seems weird :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Global Village

~As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is.
~Ram Dass


Two days in a row! Haha, so, during my lunch break at work I've been reading a book called You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don't Need by Mary Ellen Edmunds. I'd read the first section before, but it's been a year or two. Today I came across a very interesting concept that I wanted to share. I'm just going to copy out of the book-I can't really paraphrase :)

"If the world were a global village"

"If we could shrink earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.

-There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South, and 8 Africans.

-52 would be female, 48 would be male.

-70 would be nonwhite, 30 would be white.

-70 would be non-Christian, 30 would be Christian.

-6 people would posses 59% of the entire world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States.

-80 would live in substandard housing, 70 would be unable to read, 50 would suffer from malnutrition.

-1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth; 1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education; and 1 would own a computer."

-----------------

"...nearly 42,000 children die every single day in this world from preventable causes..."

"...And every single day here in America, we spend more than a billion dollars on groceries, consume more than 25 billion gallons of water--almost 200 gallons per person--and throw out close to 2 billion pounds of trash...these numbers are from way back in 1987..."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Three Weeks

~What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
~William Least Heat Moon

Alright, I know I don't blog enough. Until recently I couldn't listen to music at work... and sewing elastic in a straight line as fast as you can all day gets boring. So, I wrote blog posts in my head. Thus, I did not care to do it all over again when I got home :) I know, bad excuse, but true. I think I was starting to go insane with the conversations and things I did to keep myself entertained all day.

But honestly, besides that, there isn't a lot to write. Well... I have a lot to say to my journal, but not much I want to put out on the Internet for everyone to see.

I'm supposed to leave for Paris three weeks from tomorrow. Supposed to. Besides the fact that I have no money, no plane ticket, can't speak French, and don't know anyone going, I'm scared to death. I can't really see myself going. When I applied for the program back in January, September seemed forever away. I can't imagine myself living in another country for three months.

Ya, it's only 88 days, but looking back 88 days ago from today... a lot has changed. I've found I really admire the missionaries who go wherever they are called for two years. And I can call home and email whenever I want.

Back in January I had nothing to lose going. I was getting used to not seeing my family for three or four weeks. I didn't really talk to my roommates, and thus had no one to room with come fall anyway. My friends were all over and I only saw, like, two of them every few months. I was getting sick of school in Provo... and there really are some stereotypical annoying BYU things that just get to you after a while.

Things are different now. Ya, I still don't have any friends at BYU, no one to room with. But four months at home changes things.

I don't really know where this post is going-I just felt like I should post something and sometimes when I try to write in my journal I get overwhelmed because I have to explain everything.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Singin' in the Car

~He who sings frightens away his ills.
~Miguel de Cervantes

Confession: I sing in the car.

Yes, I love to crank up my radio and sing-off tune, I'm sure. Now, I don't have statistics and I can't really tell you how many people sing in the car-though I think it would be interesting to know. I do know there are 2, 560, 156 people who "like" singing in the car on Facebook :)

But, I have to say, I don't generally sing when I'm stopped at an intersection. People have more time to look around then. I do it. I've caught people singing and laughed to myself-I'm sorry to say.

I bring this up because I was singing on the way home from work yesterday. I'm working on not caring what others think, so I was singing at the stop light. I glanced in my rear view mirror and noticed the guy in the car behind me singing. I watched him for a minute and realized we were singing the same song :)

I realized this just in time for him to stop singing... and glace to both sides. I found myself doing the same thing about fifteen seconds later. Thinking about it, it's really dumb. Who cares if someone sees? It's not like you'll ever see them again. (okay, so I have seen someone I know singing... but just once)

But the biggest thing is, how many people can really say they've never sung in the car? Really?

I'm still self-conscious about it, it's true. I just found it interesting to think about :)

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Stars

~A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really... "Do the stars gaze back?" Now *that's* a question.
~Stardust

So, the other night I was outside just after the sun set. I'd been helping my dad get ready for the preschool open house but my brother was helping him in the shed and I wasn't going to be able to do much. So I went over and climbed on the tramp.

I laid down and starred at the sky. It was quiet and peaceful-lately I always seem to have music on in the background. I could hear crickets somewhere in the neighborhood. The tramp moved slightly beneath me as I breathed. I watched the sky as it faded to a dark blue. Right above me, in the middle of the sky, was the darkest.

The horizon all around me was still a bright, turquoise blue-the kind everyone seems to think is beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and I don't recall seeing the moon.

It faded. Like the painting exercises we always did in school-adding a little black with each stroke or box, leading to the center of the sky. Or adding a little water to lighten each stroke on the way out. I just watched it. I hadn't noticed how beautiful it could be. We always seem to focus on the sun going down, the orange and pink clouds.

I watched as the stars begun to appear. They started in that dark area, the one farthest from the light. I've always loved stars; they're amazing. Amazing how far away they are, yet how they shine so bright. How they're different sizes. They make patterns and shapes in the sky... but they're not set every so far apart. It's natural.

I had some time to think. I forgot the neighborhood around me-the electronics and music and worries. I thought about the sky, what it could show me. I thought of the popular quote saying that when it's dark enough we can see the stars.

I've always taken that quotes as a kind of truth, haven't really thought about it. I pondered on my own life-not like I don't have the time to think all day at work. It's just different in that setting. I'm not going to share what I thought, what I learned, what I wondered... I share this to hopefully make you think.

I quite enjoyed those twenty or thirty minutes I spent laying on my trampoline, starring at the stars. I think I'll have to do that more often.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Blind Girl

~No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse.
~Elder Jeffrey R. Holland


Alright, I know, I've really dropped the ball on blogging. And since I love when people post on the blogs I read, I'll try to be more consistant-it is the start of a new month :) So we'll see how it goes...

I ran across the following story on another blog. I tried to find an author or where it was originally from, but couldn't. I found it really... not surprising, but it wasn't what I expected. And it made me think. Because I do complain a lot, I'm sorry to say. I'm still trying to adjust to having a full-time job and it feels like all I do is work. But I wasn't all that happy about being in school when that was the case. I really need to work on this.

Anyway, I thought it was worth sharing :)


Story of a Blind Girl

A blind girl hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If only I could only see the world, I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.

The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:

“Take good care of your eyes, my dear; before they were yours, they were mine.”

This is how the human brain often works when our "status changes." Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift Today before you say an unkind word -Think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to for a companion.

Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us is without error and we all answer to God When depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

First Week

~Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
~George Halas

Alright, sorry I haven't blogged in almost a week... it's been crazy. Work is going well-but is SO exhausting. I get up at five, start work at six thirty, get off at three... and I've had several two hour naps-before going to bed at ten thirty. And, my upper back is killing me.

Let me start over, that didn't sound very positive. Haha, I actually think I'm getting better. I'm sewing elastic on and my biggest problem is getting it to lie flat when I'm done. Like, so the elastic isn't bunched up and wavy. But I'm starting to get used to the number thing on the side of my machine... if I want the length longer, the numbers go down... shorter, the numbers go up. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense.

Oh my, I'd have to say my biggest problem, my biggest mistake, was when I put the elastic on backwards. See, there is a side with ridges and one that's flat. The flat side is supposed to go toward me. We use big rolls of elastic and sometimes they are pieced together with red stitches or red tape. When those come through I have to make sure they don't get sown onto the material and that the elastic is still going the same way. Apparently, I didn't check one time.

I had to pick out a bundle and a half and resew them. It took about two and a half hours. A bundle is 40 pieces... that was not a fun afternoon :) But, I did pass both my quality checks. My trainer took three bundles and examined them and my auditor took three different bundles and examined them. And, based on Thursday, I am at 23% proficiency. Haha, that is really low! But I did half again as much on Friday!

Anyway, we are shut down for this next week. We covered the machines in plastic and they are going to clean the electrical stuff above us and what not. So, I'm up at Snowbird now! So excited to be able to stay the whole week! And, as much as I need to get paid, I think my back needs a break.

Oh, and, so, based on my task, I'm supposed to be able to do a bundle in 10 minutes and 29 seconds. The first couple took almost an hour each. I got down to about forty minutes and my fastest was in fifteen minutes! Then I did several in twenty. That was probably the best part of work this week-just seeing myself improve-it's exciting!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Air Conditioning

~Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them.
~Unknown

Geez! I almost forgot to blog today! I'm not used to my night ending at 10 or 10:30... I just had a thought on my very warm ride home from work-well, I'll just explain. There are so many people with their windows down. Haha, I only notice because I had mine down some and am aware so I don't sing when other windows are open around me :)

Anyway, you don't open your window when you have the air on, right? So, are all of those people with their windows down missing air conditioning like I am?

Second day of work went well. I met my trainer and everyone in the department-about forty people I won't remember-besides the fact that it was kind of loud with all the sewing machines going. I got my machine and table and everything and spend a few hours learning to thread the machine, practicing, and timing myself. It wasn't too bad, kind of became a routine. Breaks were good but then I felt like I was supposed to be doing something :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

First Day at Work

~Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
~Paula Poundstone

Oh my, first day at work. Well, we didn't really work... but it was my first day there. It's at Beehive Clothing and I'll be sewing :) There are six of us new employees-and everyone seemed to know who we were. They did have a stand as they read our names at the devotional though...

I've had one other job before-and it was really informal. I worked at Custom Events. We put on carnivals with inflatables and rock walls and food and everything. I didn't need an interview. We had a meeting with parents and they told me where to meet for my first day. They kind of just stuck me on the job... not like it was hard to figure out though :)

This job is really different. I had the interview and test with a physical therapist. Today, and I think tomorrow, are, like, orientation days. We got cards and pictures taken for them. We watched a movie on working in the church. We went over a million forms that are so over my head. And then we went over insurance stuff... oh goodness!

I'm hired as a full time employee. But I'm doing it more as a summer job-that I started really late :) I'm leaving for France September 8th. They don't know that and I feel kind of bad about that. I can only work a month and a half... But I need the money and it's a job and they said in the forms I could quit whenever... :)

Oh, and we have a family vacation next week at Snowbird. For the last few weeks I've just planned on going up some afternoons and on the weekend... But apparently we get the whole week off! Well, I'm excited about going on vacation, but I really do need the money-and then I'll just work even less before I quit. But, next Friday IS a paid holiday :)

We also got to go on a tour-which was super cool. It's amazing how everything works! We got breakfast and lunch-only two hours apart though... and it felt a heck of a lot like middle school and high school. There wasn't much I wanted to eat and I wasn't particularly hungry. And though they gave us a paper with so much money we could spend-I used less than half that. I sat with the other new employees-but we were all really quiet. I never transferred schools or moved but I'd imagine it would feel a lot like that-besides having the group of other new people.

I'm kind of excited but also worried I won't be able to do it very well. And I've never had a full time job and eight and a half hours a day seems like a long time :)