"It is not the ctitic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

~Theodore Roosevelt


Monday, February 28, 2011

I miss writing for fun :(

~Some stories are true that never happened.
~Elie Weisel

In my attempt to keep up with the number of days in the year, here is my second post in, like, ten minutes. Sorry!

Tonight I realized how much I miss poetry. I miss writing it, reading it, editing it... I need to take more time to write for myself. My senior year of high school I put on my to do list each week that I had to write two new poems. Most of them didn't turn out so well, but some of them were pretty good, considering.

I managed to look through back up files after back up files in search of writing from high school. I've looked before and haven't found it. So I was pretty surprised. I actually found the first poem I remember writing. The one that made me want to be a writer. At least, that's how I remember it. I also found a whole bunch I don't remember cuz I didn't focus on editing them for lit. mag. or anything.

So I decided to go through and print out all of my poetry and essays and everything (like, braided or creative essays-not school research essays) and put them all in a binder together all organized! I'm kind of excited!

PEBKAC

~Sibling relationships - and 80 percent of Americans have at least one - outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and distrust.
~Erica E. Goode


Alright, first things first. I feel pretty stupid. See, I have computer problems all the time. I kind of expect them, really. But I have a wonderful brother who is amazing with computers and always helps me out :)

So I lost my internet last night. There are a few things I am completely attached to in life-that I couldn't live without. My phone (which I actually also left somewhere just two days ago), my chapstick, and my computer. But along with the computer comes the internet. And such distractions as Facebook and Blogger.

It was a dry day without my internet. I am halfway done with Friday's homework. I just have online French homework and tests to study for the rest of the week. Well, and getting ahead for next week. Always...

Anyway, so I text my brother and ended up talking to him on the phone about the problem. I'm grateful he was close tonight. He told me it was probably a PEBKAC problem. Of course, I didn't get it. Let's see... "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair." Gee thanks. But ya know what, it's true. Because all that was wrong was that I'd somehow hit the button that turns off the wireless internet. Oh man.

So thanks to my wonderful brother! And I will have to work on this PEBKAC problem...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Love Weekends

~Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
~Saint-Exupery

Ah, I love weekends. Especially when I can go home for a few hours. :) Yesterday was such a good day. And driving back to Provo early on Sunday morning is always an enlightening experience.

Today there were beautiful dark grey clouds covering the sky. The roads are fairly clear and I turn my radio way up. I did see about six or seven cops and I was pretty freaked out about getting pulled over. But I was careful and even if I get pulled over-it is on my bucket list, so I wouldn't be TOO upset :)

Yesterday we had cleaning checks. I know, they're a good thing, but I don't like them. My apartment really isn't too messy-not at all messy compared to my dorm last year. But I still had to control my gag reflex while I wiped down the fridge... so nasty. I think it's more the thought of it than anything.

Church... my ward seems pretty nice, but two months in and I do not know, like, anyone. I actually only end up in my ward, like, every other week. From the two three-day weekends, the week I was sick, I swear there are others... and I won't be there next week cuz of a family thing. Which makes things interesting but also makes it hard to get used to the ward... and I need to meet with my bishop and get my ecclesiastical endorsement in the next two weeks...

Anyway, not much to say today. Just relaxing, writing in my journal, and watching TV episodes. I may just take a nap too... only problem is how they last three hours! Haha, better get some dinner and get to bed soon! We'll see...

Friday, February 25, 2011

Life on a Crazy Friday

~Mirrors should think longer before they reflect.
~Jean Cocteau

Oh, Fridays. I really think I need a blog post that's forever long to have the space I need to complain. Which is sad. I complain way too much. I know this. And yet... I don't even know how to stop! But I won't bore you with just complaints today.

So, I'm doing my laundry. Haha, it would be so nice to be able to do my laundry as it gets dirty rather than running out of everything and having to do it on a Friday night. Or to be able to not worry that someone's gonna steal ALL your pants or all your underwear if you don't get back to the machine whenever it decides to turn off. Well, most of the washers have timers but I don't know how long the dryers take and I'm not gonna sit in there to see.

But then, I ran out of quarters to finish. Yep, sad day. But my whites, pinks, and Levi's are in. I used everything from my quarters bag, all the quarters in my wallet, and got change for my one $1 bill... I don't have any more ones or fives... oh well! I'll live.

Oh, so I went to Wal-Mart today. Haha, can you tell it's my day to do all my things necessary for living? Rather than just homework that is. And I like to use the self-checkout lines. I'd rather not talk to people, as sad as that is. So, I wait in one line. And everyone in front of me just left the line. So I walked up and the screen was all messed up-so I moved to a different line. Well, the people in front of me where on the phone and making the machine freak out all the time and it took longer to wait in line than to shop.

So I get up there... (I use "so" a lot, don't I?) and everything starts just fine. Until I get to my eye shadow. It had just gotten made cuz my make-up pads didn't weigh enough for it to feel and I scanned my eye shadow. And then it did more than just say that it didn't register the weight. I was trying to scan my pens and it was on the normal page. But every time I put the pens over the scanner it went on about how something was wrong blah blah blah. But when I moved the pens away it was normal again.

So I waited for the lady to come fix it. She was looking at it and in my bag and at it again and I tried to explain what happened but she didn't care. She just kept repeating that something was wrong, something hadn't been done right. I explained again. She went through my bag and I pointed out all the things on the screen. She still didn't believe me. So she started pulling things out of my bag and decided I hadn't scanned my eye shadow. She rescanned it-I showed her how that scan was exactly the same as two before. It took her a minute to believe me and forever to cancel it.

My goodness! I felt like she was watching my every move after that. I swear. I wasn't trying to steal. Just trying to get the machine to work! Agh! So frustrating. And then I went to Macey's-people are kind of oblivious at the store. And that's all I'll say about that.

I got bread! Oh how I miss bread. It expires on Sunday so I'm gonna eat a few sandwiches tonight and take the rest home tomorrow. I had searching my bread for mold because I didn't eat a whole loaf in a day and a half. Now I'm working on next Wednesday's homework. Ya, I'm that far ahead. Feeling good about that... except that I wrote out everything I have for next week-still a lot. Plus a French written test, French oral test, French listening comprehension test, Grammar test, and British test... and I have another British paper to write. I have never had such bizarre writing prompts...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

One of those days...

~Few novels or plays could exist without at least one troublemaker in the group, and perhaps life couldn't either.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Today was one of those days during which I thought of a million different things I wanted to shout at the world. Well, my blog is the best resource I have for that. Yet, I am finally calmed down and feeling a little happier and I don't want to rehash it in my mind. So, I'm not going to write about my not so wonderful day or why I truly and unconditionally hate French.

I counted school days in the semester today. We're more than halfway through! I heard someone on campus today comment about how they couldn't believe we were halfway through the semester. Personally, I can't believe we're only halfway. Haha, well, it has gone fairly fast considering... I'm just excited that Spring and Summer semesters are shorter than how far we are in this semester, if that makes sense :)

I'm not so sure about this living in an apartment thing. I got to listen to my upstairs neighbors sing happy birthday to someone about a half hour ago... and my goodness when they get ready for church I know they wear high heels. When I sit in the front room area on Friday nights I can hear the conversations of all the people who go by-talking excitedly and happily. And privacy isn't as common as it was at home.

But then, in a lot of ways it isn't that different. My room was in the basement at home. I could hear the TV from my room with the door closed. I did have my own room... I don't know. Guess I'm not making much of a point here at all. Maybe I'm just more aware of it here cuz I decided to live here. I signed the contract. Maybe it's me thinking about how I have 14 more months living in this apartment. 14 more months of straight school. I think I'm gonna die!

Not only could I not go to medical school cuz of the blood and guts but I don't think I could handle the schooling. Not sure I can even make it through this semester-and I'm only on my third semester of college. Haha, that's kind of depressing.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Honor Code?

~There is a purpose to our lives that each day tugs at our sleeve as an annoying distraction. ~Robert Brault

Alright, so I go to BYU. We have an honor code. This is all very well known. Every student here has to agree to follow the rules. And every year we have to get our ecclesiastical endorsements renewed. So, in my opinion, there is no reason for there to be problems with it.

I am honestly shocked by how many immodestly dressed girls I see on campus! There are a lot of short skirts and tight pants or just leggings. It's not terribly shocking if you've been to a high school lately. Or even just to the store really. But at BYU? I like to feel like we don't have to deal with as many of the same problems as we would at any other university.

But I guess everyone has problems everywhere. So I can't really say anything, huh? Sometimes it's just hard for me to believe what I see and hear on campus because we have this idea that everything is good and clean and appropriate at BYU.

Socially Awkward

~The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living.
~Charles F. Kettering

I am a socially awkward person. Every single day of my life I could point out at least one thing that I wish I'd reacted to differently, said differently, ignored, etc. I am not kidding. Which I guess would be okay for me when I understand that's the way I am. But for the people who don't know me... ya, sometimes it scares me what they must think.

Two paragraphs into my "weirdness" paper for British Literary History. Yuck. But I feel good getting it done. I am just so unsure about it because of me teacher. I worry about how she grades. But everyone is entitled to a crappy rough draft (thank you lit mag) and so I know I need to get something down to start with. I'm writing on Sir Francis Bacon's essay "On Truth"... I feel like I'm talking in circles but isn't that what an essay is? And it becomes more complicated when you're writing an essay on an essay :)

Among other things, I hate French. Hey, who knew?!!! Pretty sure I was the only one in my class who didn't take the oral exam. Haha, about that... really though, I was sick. But I don't think I'm giving a very good impression to my teacher. He seemed nice enough when he said we'd work something out, but I just know I suck at French and he knows it to... so I feel really out of place there. AND I have to meet with the French writing lab tomorrow to go over my one page paper on an embarassing moment.

I have to say I love my American lit class though. So interesting. And my teacher is probably my favorite at BYU so far. We're reading Thoreau and Emerson and Poe, and Hawthorne... I actually enjoy that homework! Haha, well, most nights.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Controlling My Life

~The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
~Bob Moawad

Today in my American Literary History class we were talking about a quote that talked about the worst kind of slavery being that in which you are your own slave-driver. Now, not that I necessarily agree with the quote in that I do believer slavery to be very bad, but I thought it was an interesting concept.

We talked about what kinds of things made us slaves to ourselves. The things that we do that we don't want to do... really, the only thing that came up was homework. And honestly, that's all I was thinking too. Because it is the thing that I deal with daily that I don't want to do. Someone pointed out that at least homework is a necessity. That we decided to go to school and it will only last so long. This is true. But sometimes it does feel like a ball and chain that I'm dragging around.

My plan is to go to school for the next 14 months straight... maybe a week or two off between certain semesters. I try not to think about it. The thing that I am paying for, that I willingly chose, that I moved here to do, is what is drowning me every single day... haha, kind of depressing to think about it that way.

I have a "weirdness" paper due Thursday. I haven't started. No surprise really. I am quite the procrastinator. But I have no clue where to start. I have to find something that was weird in something we've read and write a paper on it. Not only is that one of the strangest paper assignments I've ever had but I am scared to write it. My teacher says she has a built-in BS detector. She says she spends hours reading each paper. And she gave me an F on my last paper-said it was pointless.

I am an English major. I would like to say I can write pretty well. Granted, that last paper was pretty crappy-I was sick and had no idea how to write an argumentative thesis on one word. My grade is struggling and I worry that the same thing will happen all over again...

So yes, I've blogged three times today, done all my D&C homework for the week, done almost all my American Lit homework for the week, wrote a letter, did some French, wrote in my journal some, and watched a little TV.

10:17... I just want to go to bed and never write this paper!

I'm sorry I complain so much when I have tests and papers. But I do stress about such things a lot and it comes out on here :)

Spring Break???

~Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.
~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

Alright, so about my weekend... last 3 day weekend this semester... last day off for 2 months...

I went home Friday afternoon. Felt so free driving out of Provo. Friday night I got to hang out with some friends I hadn't seen in two months-like I said in my last post :) I love the start of a long weekend, or just a weekend at home. Cuz there's so much time ahead of me.

Saturday we had family pictures! Haha, I actually don't exactly like pictures just cuz I worry so much. One hair is out of place... I didn't do my makeup quite right... one thing wrong and all the pictures have it in it. And, I've had problems keeping my eyes open for pictures in the past :) But these ones turned out pretty good in my opinion :) And I actually really enjoyed the morning taking pictures.

I just have to say, I have an awesome family. And I love when we all get together :) We did pictures for two hours and went to lunch and spent about as long again deciding what to buy. But it was a lot of fun... and I got to hold my nephew a lot :) He's so adorable!

Saturday night my brother and sister-in-law invited us over to play Kinect. I got to see my boyfriend for the first time in a week! And it was a lot of fun overall :) Haha, the only thing is I don't particularly like watching the video of me looking crazy pretending to play a game.

Sunday... homecoming, single's ward, family dinner, games... and Monday I went to lunch with my little brother and we went to Winco. It is a good thing I don't shop there often because their bulk candy is very tempting. We ended up getting a few bags of candy and splitting it when we got home. I now have chocolate! It isn't the best quality but it wasn't too expensive and it's good incentive to get homework done!

Monday evening I went to the movies again (haha, I seem to do that a lot lately)-this time with my boyfriend :) We saw "Unknown"-was pretty good and didn't turn out at all like I expected. I hate the night before I go back to Provo. Come back? Hate saying goodbye to everyone and knowing how much homework I have to do before I go home again. I'm a little attached to things I'm familiar with and comfortable with I guess.

Conversations Change

~One's friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.
~George Santayana

Had a fantastic weekend at home! On Friday I was able to hang out with a few friends from high school. We ended up going downtown to Gateway to see "I Am Number Four"-which was actually pretty good :)

Thinking back on our conversations I was struck by how things have changed. We all met up at various times during our sophomore year of high school. Crazy to think that was 4-5 years ago! We've always talked about guys, of course. And we've always talked about school and plans and life and family. But it's like we've progressed to a different level.

We talk more about relationships now. We talk about how much longer we have at what university and what jobs we want. It's not about "when I grow up" anymore. It seems closer than that. And yet, I don't feel old enough for that. We talk about trips we could go on together or sleep overs at apartments without "adult supervision" because we're old enough now. Haha, I guess we've always speculated about who would get married first though. So some things aren't too different.

We used to talk more about our parents-now we talk about roommates. We have more to remember. It sounds so simple, but sometimes you forget all the times you've had with someone and all the inside jokes and sayings and classes we had together and basketball games and region dances and long mornings roaming the halls... the first times we were able to drive each other and now we hop on the freeway and drive downtown. Before we had jobs or bills. Before we had to feed ourselves and go grocery shopping and be responsible for our schedules.

There are a million more things that I can't even list. Things are so different and yet they kind of changed gradually. It's kind of sad and yet kind of exciting.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Henry David Thoreau

Just writing out my most embarrassing moment in French... not as bad as I expected. Though, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make it a whole page long. I don't have that much to say! And really, I just picked a semi-embarrassing moment that I could take a paragraph or two to set up. I'll be exaggerating, don't even worry :)

I am extremely glad we don't have accents in English though. They are such a pain!

Anyway, I spent a good chunk of the last two days (really only a few hours stretched out over two days) reading 42 pages of Henry David Thoreau's Walden. The part labeled "Economy" I think... We read some of it in high school and I loved it. One of the few books I actually enjoyed in school and wanted to read all of afterwards... though I still haven't gotten around to it. And while 42 pages in an anthology kind of sucks for homework, it wasn't too bad. Haha, not like some of my British lit reading, that's for sure.

When I read I often highlight my favorite parts-or dog-ear the pages that had parts I liked. When I do homework I always highlight so I can remember what was said when I scan it in class. But reading this I highlighted for both reasons. So I just wanted to share some of my favorite lines :) Ya, I probably understand some of them different than everyone else-thus my problem with some of my English classes. But one of the things I like about this is how some of it can be interpreted differently.

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."

"But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things."

"if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior."

"The luxuriously rich are not simply kept comfortably warm, but unnaturally hot"

"Often if an accident happens to a gentleman's legs, they can be mended; but if a similar accident happens to the legs of his pantaloons, there is no hope for it"

"In the long run men hit only what they aim at."

"Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new."

"I would rather sit in the open air, for no dust gathers on the grass, unless where man has broken ground."

"After all, the man whose horse trots a mile in a minute does not carry the most important messages"

"Those things for which the most money is demanded are never the things which the student most wants."

"When I have met an immigrant tottering under a bundle which contained his all,-looking like an enormous wen which had grown out of the nape of his neck,-I have pitied him, not because that was his all, but because he had all that to carry."

"We make curious mistakes sometimes."

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root."

Facebook Distractions

~How strange to use "You only live once" as an excuse to throw it away.
~Bill Copeland

Gah! Homework! I've felt so ahead all week... and I realized I really need to get started on my British lit paper, my French one-page embarrassing moment, memorizing the first 18 lines of the Canterbury Tales, testing starts again in two weeks, and I got an assignment today to memorize a lyric poem... Haha, such fun things to work on!

It's so beautiful outside, yet I'm scared to go sit out there because I don't want to get sick. I'm pretty much paranoid of getting sick. That week I don't remember two weeks ago... ya, determined not to do that again. Not only because missing class sucks (as much as I wish I could say I enjoy it) but also because everything else in life is a million times more difficult.

So here I am, inside, on my bed, trying to cram in as much homework as possible so I can enjoy my three-day weekend at home... and getting very distracted by everything around me. Just gotta say... Facebook is my ultimate distraction. It is always up as a tab on my internet. And I have to flip there all the time. There is the idea that I could close the tab and only check sometimes. And while I feel I'm a person who has some will-power (For as long as I remember I'd bribe myself to do things-like setting a piece of chocolate on my dresser and not letting myself eat it until I cleaned my room...), such a plan does not work. Because I just itch to get on and it's just as much of a distraction.

So food is my motivation. Not sure how healthy that is, but it's true. I promise, I eat enough. Haha, though not always on the best schedule. I'm working on it. And so blogging has become another form of distraction. But at least I feel productive in this respect :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Unexpected

~True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
~Erich Segal

After how much I've wanted to blog the last few days and haven't, it's kind of sad that I really don't feel like writing today. I feel like it should be Thursday or Friday it's been such a long week. I cannot wait for the three day weekend! I am so excited to go home for three and a half days! Though, I realize this will be my last break for more than two months. Haha, that kind of sucks...

Six and a half weeks into this semester-and I'm just so happy that I've made it this far, that I have something behind me. First round of testing done... and though my teachers seem to think my scores aren't very good compared to everyone else, I think most of them aren't so bad. Haha, that's kind of sad. I used to be good at school. I used to get As-and Bs in my college credit classes. I graduated high school with a 3.85 GPA and my Associates Degree. And here I sit, in college, with a 2.9, dying in all my classes. I realize that might not be something I should share on here, but really, that's the way it is. I'm not so smart when it comes to college.

My first few weeks at BYU I heard a lot of the freshmen talk about how they felt so average here cuz everyone seemed so smart. I talked to a senior in my French class and she told me how it was harder to get good grades here. I guess I've used these things as an excuse for myself. If everyone else is struggling, I guess I'm not doing so bad... But I sit in my English classes and they all talk about all the classic books and plays and essays. And I have heard of some of them. I sit in my editing classes and everyone rattles off word categories and phrase types and I think I know what adverbs are. I sit in my religion classes praying I'll remember everything I've learned since primary because of all things in my life, I should know my own religion.

But I haven't read all the classics. I don't know all the parts of speech. And I don't remember every story and doctrine in the scriptures and where they're found. I realize I have time to learn these things. I'm only 19. I'm not even half-way done with my studies here at BYU. But I feel so far behind sometimes. I have a hard enough time with what we're doing in class that adding learning everything I guess I should already know is just too much to do at the same time. My grammar teacher explained today that a mechanic has to know all the parts of a car and how they work to be able to fix it. And an editor has to know all the parts of speech to be able to work with it well. And I wanted to throw my hands in the air and give up.

I don't mean to make this a pity-me post. And I don't need reassurance that I'll make it through school or that it'll come to me. Anyone can tell me that and it doesn't make it true. Besides, I know it myself. I just wanted to put that out there. Haha, my longest post in days and I totally didn't mean to go there.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Painful Shoes

~The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them.
~Stephen King

Pretty sure I won't be wearing my flats around campus again anytime soon. My presentation partner decided we needed to dress up. I have one pair of black flats, sandals, and... snow boots. So I went with the flats. I've never worn them for more than church really, and the skin on my heel was cut before I got to my first class. By the time I got to Devotional there was a line of dried blood going into my shoe.

I put medical tape on and walked to English for my presentation. I had to change the tape again cuz it was all bloody. Needless to say, it was a painful walk home :) My heel was covered in blood and I have a nice tender worn spot on the part of my foot where my bunion sticks out sometimes. Haha, I greatly admire girls who can wear heels around campus all day... at the same time I think they are pretty stupid for it.

The presentation went better than I expected, but not as good as it probably could/should have. Oh well. It's over and I'm completely relieved. So, I was almost done with the reading for that class for Thursday-and my teacher switched it with next Thursday's reading... so, I won't have any reading for that class next week and a lot this week :) But it's nice to be ahead.

I've thought of a million things to blog about in the last two days and I can't think of any of them now. I miss blogging more than once a day. I do. Haha, and then I think about you poor readers and I'm sorry you hear all my rants and boring explanations of my days. So feel free to read or not read whatever you want :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

~Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
~Kay Knudsen

Hm, I feel like I should write about Valentine's Day. It's not my favorite holiday. I think I've said it before, it's just sad that we have to set aside a day to celebrate love. Sad. And it's too much about buying things.

Also like I've said, I do like the candy. And I've always loved how my parents do Valentine's Day with us. I guess I don't mind the day too much, it's the thought of it-if that make sense.

Handing out candy in elementary school was pretty fun. Though, it started to get lame after a while-when I started to realize all the cards said the same thing and most people gave two conversation hearts... But then, I hate attention and feel bad when people give me things.

But Valentine's Day was always annoying in high school. "Singles Awareness Day" started to make sense. And it all seemed to be centered around who gave who the biggest teddy bear or the most flowers... to a boyfriend or girlfriend they only went out with for three weeks...

Wow, I sound like a cynic. But there you go. I don't know what else to say. It's not the day. It's the competition and the gifts.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Singing to my Dash

~You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
~Jonathan Carroll

Alright, after this one I should slow down on posts :) I just have to say that I miss singing in the car. When I drive home I love how that 45 minute drive is full of great music I don't hear all the time anymore. And I can sing loudly and off tune and no one is there to care. And anyone who passes me... well, I don't know them. So I don't care what they think-most of the time.

I don't really miss driving every day. I do enjoy the freedom when people aren't being idiots :P But there's so much stress with driving. The people on the roads... the ones who tailgate me and I try to piss them off, the ones who swerve in front of me to make a point, the ones who almost come into my lane the whole time, the semis, the speed limits, the stop lights, and the worry about my car and any possible problem it might have and listening to all it's sounds...

But the singing almost makes it worth it (what really makes it worth it is the getting from point A to point B :) I've written on singing in the car before. But I'll just say how much I miss it. Had a great time singing to my dashboard this weekend :)

Beautiful Sunday

~Curiosity is only vanity. Most frequently we wish not to know, but to talk. We would not take a sea voyage for the sole pleasure of seeing without hope of ever telling.
~Blaise Pascal

Ah! Beautiful day! I'm just gonna try to enjoy it while it lasts :)

So, I was driving back to Provo this morning and wishing I had my camera with me and could just take a million pictures! It was so beautiful. I drove past the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and it was white against the blueish-purple snow-covered mountains. And right before I got on the freeway I looked over to see the Jordan River Temple-the only thing poking up from that area of the valley against the pink smeared horizon...

It was a bright, crisp, winter morning. And the sun was shining over the mountain. Totally worth dodging around trying to stay in the shadow of my visor. And at times I was the only car on the road. I couldn't see anyone the stretch in front of me or behind me. It just made my day :)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Starbursts!

~Language is the most imperfect and expensive means yet discovered for communicating thought.
~William James

Cleaning check-done.
Reading critical article-done.
Taking notes on article-done.
Making Power Point slide-done.
Emailing partner-done.
Reading 20 pages for American Lit... still to go...

But it's alright! It's a bright and happy Saturday :) I'm going to read for an hour and eat lunch and head home! And next week's biggest stress will be writing a "weirdness" paper for British Lit... oh my.

That teacher... she was not so kind about my last paper-which, I have to say, I wrote when I was sick and don't remember much of it. Oh, and the OED and the MED would not work for me. So ya, I did horribly. But she said she spends about three hours grading every paper.

Uh, really? Haha, I do not believe that. That paper was 2 1/2 pages! She's not far off saying it took her longer to read most of them than it did for us to write them. Who has 3 hours to read each paper. I don't know how many other classes she has but my goodness!

So I'm more than a little scared to write another paper. And I will be starting a week and a half early :) That's the goal anyway. Then maybe I can meet with her and she can tear it apart before hand and I'll piece it back together in time to turn it in!

I don't know how I got off on that subject... Anyway, happy day! Oh, and I'm gonna have to go buy more Starburst for my presentation... buying then five days in advance was not good when I like to snack while I do homework. Especially when I read. And yes, I'm an English major. I do a lot of reading :)
"What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?"

Friday, February 11, 2011

Fourth Post

~It has been left to our generation to discover that you can move heaven and earth to save five minutes and then not have the faintest idea what to do with them when you have saved them.
~C.E.M. Joad

Well, fourth blog today. I know. It's been a long day. Not all bad, just long.

I have a headache and 35 more pages I wanted to have read tonight. And it's 11:30. And I want to get enough sleep. ~sigh~ I was supposed to be less stressed after all my tests and papers the last two weeks. Haha, but it'll never end.

I just can't focus. I've only watched one episode of Glee today-besides that I've spent the last 13 hours doing homework, studying, taking tests, or eating. Oh man, 13 hours and so little to show for it.

Oh well. I will BS something for my presentation so I can email my partner and have more substantial information by the time we actually present. And I'll be up early Monday morning reading too... but so it goes.

That one kid in every class...

~We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld

Yay for feeling good about a test! Haha, I got 76% on my D&C test. Which isn't amazing but I was pretty happy with it :)

So I've been thinking this week about how there is always that kid in every class. HOW does that happen. Always one kid who thinks they're all that. Who has to answer every question... or ask every question... or both! The kids who, when you see their hand go up or hear their voice your roll your eyes and think "what now?"

It sounds pretty mean. But I seriously have one of those kids in every one of my classes. Is there just always someone in line who would have stepped up-the next most curious and annoying student in every class. Cuz otherwise they are all perfectly stationed one per class!

And then there are the kids who always have to question things unnecessarily. Like after my D&C teacher explained how the test would be set up. And the kid who is over critical about everything had to ask why dates were really necessary. Oh, and we only had to know when the priesthood was restored and when the church was restored. Two dates. So we had to have a discussion about how knowing the dates of things was not pertinent to our eternal salvation.

*eye roll* It's a class!

Anyway, there's my little rant about that! Haha, guess there's nothing anyone can ever do about it. It's part of the schooling experience.

Spring Fever for my Blog

~It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
~Mark Twain

Well, I should be studying. I bet, on any given day-though I can't quite say at any given time-there are thousands of people who can say that :)

I was feeling all excited that I finished that test and looking out the window at the bright sunshine and thinking how much it felt like April last year for some reason. Finals time last year. And I had this feeling of almost freedom...

And I started to get Spring Fever.

Not to mention walking into the apartment last night it smelled like campfire smoke. Ah, I miss summertime. And I love winter. Normally. I guess it's good I live in Utah-lots of variety!

But I was missing the warmth and how the sun would stay up past five and sitting outside and fires and late nights and a million other things... and I realized my blog looked kind of dark. So I had to find a new background!

Well, I couldn't decide between two. But I like the turquoise :) And on my screen I can't see much of the edges and I don't even remember how it looked when I picked it :P So, it may be changing soon, but I thought it needed a change :)

Is that really necessary?

~No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad.
~Thomas Carlyle

One test down, one to go!

I just finished my American Literary History take-home test :) It was pretty much horrible. I have to say the best thing was that my teacher is making our first exam (this one) worth half as much as the next two. WONDERFUL idea. Because you never really know what to expect on the first one :)

I just have such a hard time memorizing authors and the title of their papers and poems and pamphlets and articles, let alone knowing what sentence came from what. Really? Is that really necessary? I struggled in British lit last year because of this. Oh well, I'm not a test taker anyway :P

Now I'm off to eat lunch and study for my D&C test-another of those where I have to know who received what revelation in what town and why... based on the section number. Maybe I have the wrong idea of what life is like but won't I be able to look things up? Have to give a scripture in Relief Society and forgot my scriptures and no one else has them... no worries, I know Emma received the revelation in section 25 about blah blah blah! Haha, I don't even know if I remembered that right! And I think I'll be allowed to use a usage dictionary as an editor. Haha, if I have to remember all that crap I swear I'll die!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

My Pepperoni Pizza

~Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
~Josh Billings

I officially have housing from now until the end of April 2012. Craziness.

So, I was feeling all grown up today. I met with my partner to plan our presentation. I signed contracts for housing. I went to Wal-Mart to get some stuff. And I picked up a pizza for dinner. I know, probably stupid to feel grown up about, but I usually do my homework alone in my room and don't leave the apartment cuz I don't want to lose my parking spot.

I'm a little pathetic.

I put the pizza in my car and grabbed the bread sticks to eat one on the way home. The thought crossed my mind to check that the pizza looked good. But see, I'm one of those people who always find it a little stupid when the people show you your pizza-as if asking if it's good enough. So I drive home, get the same spot I've parked in the last three times I've come back :) and headed in with my pizza.

Low and behold, he gave me a pepperoni. I've tried it. I don't like it. And I've been craving that cheese pizza for a week. I was a little upset. If it hadn't been for that Crazy Bread I would have been more than a little upset. (they were heavenly, by the way) And sitting there, picking pepperoni off my pizza, I realized I forgot about three things at the store.

But I guess that's life. So it's all okay. I'll live :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Can't Focus, can't focus, cant foc...

~Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at?
~W.S. Gilbert

Sorry I'm blogging so much... though, since I've only had one visitor in the last three posts, I'm guessing it's not a big deal.

I just cannot focus. I have to prepare for this presentation in a class I'm probably failing and I can't get the BYU site to load faster than every five minutes or so... and often not even that much. So I do other things in between and then can't get back into it. It's not so fun.

I'm guessing I'll have to meet with my partner tomorrow after class. Ya, five days in advance to when we're presenting. Who does that?! This does not go with my standard routine of procrastinating. Nope. Not at all.

I always feel intimidated when I work with a partner. They are always smarter than I am. Always. It doesn't help that I have no clue what I'm doing on this assignment. Haha, pretty sure it's sad that I'd rather be getting my D&C test out of the way tonight... too bad that doesn't start until tomorrow...

Anyway, I want to blog once for every day of the month, so I'm trying to catch up. Crazy how my blog views went from five or six on average to zero to two a day in a matter of days. So sad :(

Take Home Tests

~Butterflies are self propelled flowers.
~R.H. Heinlein

I have, laying on my desk, the first tri-term test for my American Literary History class. It is killing me.

It's a take home test that I haven't even begun to study for. I've been trying to catch everything else up! The whole idea of a take home test is interesting to me. Because it's all based on honesty and trust. I read the instructions and after I type up and print out the test I am to handwrite on the bottom of the last page that as a student at BYU I did it honestly, etc...

And it's not that I want to cheat. It's just this urge to flip through the packet. I might have to hide it from myself until I do it tomorrow or Friday! But it's like a bomb sitting there. Watching me. I don't know. Our teacher told us about a student who got the test one time and started flipping through it right in front of him. Haha, they said it's cuz they weren't listening. I would have done it out of... not habit... that's just what you do when you get a packet :)

Anyway, off to read for my British lit rolling final tomorrow. And the nightly homework. And the ten minute presentation I have next week. Not liking that class so much...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I really do love food...

~Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
~Voltaire

I swear I had so much to say earlier today. I was thinking how I wouldn't have time to blog everything. But now I have a glaring headache and can't think... haha, which is why I'm not doing homework in hopes that it will go away and I can THINK!

Let's see, I love food. I do. I can't believe how amazing food sounded all last week. And I couldn't care to eat and when I did it didn't taste good at all. Now I'm sitting here waiting for my next meal :) I've been craving everything. Pizza, bread sticks, bagels with cream cheese, cheese sticks, Chick-Fil-A, grilled cheese sandwiches, Doritos, three cheese tortellini, string cheese... and things I've never liked before. Like, Saturday I really really wanted a salad with grated cheese and little ham squares! Sounded amazing! Or when my roommate was cooking chili Friday, it smelled wonderful-and then all of the sudden not so much.

When I'm living away from home I struggle to eat a full three meals a day. More than anything I think because I don't like very many things. So I snack a lot. I am now determined to change that. I am going to eat regularly and plan all my meals and go grocery shopping with certain planned meals in mind. I hate that I'm gonna have to be so strict, but I have to. There you have it. A positive outcome... well, we'll see how it goes... of my being sick.

A Week of Death

~A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
~Ogden Nash

So much for blogging every day. I was sick from last Sunday until yesterday... about eight days. It was horrible. I don't remember much of the last week. Like the two tests I took-of which I know I failed one and probably the other too, the paper I failed, the classes I took notes in... honestly, I looked at the notes for British lit from last week... my handwriting looks drugged.

I had times where I'd just sit and shake I was SO cold-in sweats with a sweatshirt and wrapped in blankets. And you know how it was bitter cold? Ya, I didn't know what everyone was talking about for a day cuz I was sweating outside. I was achy all over and my head felt like it was being crushed between those metal plates they use to crush cars.

And I've never been so hungry all the time. My stomach felt like a hollowed out watermelon and yet if I drank a sip of water I felt like I was gonna have to run to the bathroom to throw up. Everything was a blur and it took all my strength to do anything. I managed to shower everyday (not trusting the tub enough to bath) and dry my hair sitting on my bedroom floor and leaning against my bed.

Todays the first day in over a week I've worn all my make up. I walked across campus for four days in baggy shirts, with only base on, my hair messily pulled to the side, sweating and panting... and I really didn't care what anyone thought. It was pathetic. My brother brought me groceries, my roommates offered to help, my boyfriend came up for a night and brought me a smoothie, and finally my dad came to take me home for three days.

So grateful to everyone who helped me. My mom made me eat every few hours and poured me baths and made me take medicine. They did my laundry and got me the food I was craving when I started to feel better and let me lay on the couch and watch movies and TV episodes. And now I'm back at school, dying in my make up homework, three tests this week, a paper, a presentation next week, getting enough sleep, eating enough, and generally dealing with going to classes I'm not qualified for and surviving the first round of midterms.