Camping

Well, not much has changed. The weekend was both hard and easy. Friday I exercised and went camping at Pete's Hole. One good thing about camping--no snacks. We only brought food for meals. We had BBQ chicken, rolls, and jello for dinner. It was so good--camping food is. And we only had water. Though, I didn't drink as much as I should because the bathroom was disgusting and I wanted to go as few times as possible. That and it rained the whole time and it was a wet, muddy trip to the bathroom.

We took doughnuts for Saturday's breakfast. Spencer always has doughnuts camping. I was worried I would eat one. I told him not to let me. With the rain I didn't sleep much. I lay in the tent, listening to the rain pitter on the tent roof, and thought about how much I wanted  a doughnut and how I knew I shouldn't and would regret it. I kept thinking of quotes I'd read: "Fat lasts longer than flavor" and "The junk food that you've been craving for an hour or the body you've wanted for years???" I am happy to say I didn't eat a doughnut. I had my apple and granola bar :)

I feel like I'm getting in better shape. Exercising today was easier. I  hate starting but it feels really good once I get into it. I love sweating and I love feeling sore later. I really really want to weigh myself. I want to see my progress in numbers. I'm just scared it won't show any progress. I know muscle weighs more than fat and weight can go up. I've read numerous weight loss tips saying to stop weighing yourself. I also read some that said it is motivating. Yes...if the numbers go down. I don't want it to discourage me but I want to know that what I'm doing is doing something.

I Decided

So, I have decided not to weigh myself for a few days. As much as I love to see the numbers drop, it is too depressing when they go up. Besides, I can't always weigh myself at the same time everyday and before I eat or drink but after I work out or whatever else. I'm really hoping that the numbers will go down by next time though. That would make it worth it.

I've been looking up lots of sites that have tips for weight loss. Some things are encouraging--things I've already started or would be easy for me to start. Some things are just depressing. The whole picky eating thing is huge here. I also don't know if the exercises I'm doing are "the best." But honestly, I don't care. I figure I was doing so badly before that any improvement to my diet and any exercise will help. Right now, I don't need to be overwhelmed, I just need to work on what I can.

Oh, and I just have to say, as motivating as some of the pictures on these websites are, they are also discouraging. Haha, it's just that a picture of six girls at the gym who are all size 0 doesn't seem entirely realistic. Yes, they are encouraging readers to want to be that size. But it also makes it seem like everyone who works out is that size. All the exercising and diet pictures are of super skinny and athletic people. Sorry, but the shape I'm in doesn't allow me to do all those things with total ease. Not that that is required, it's just a little... unrealistic?

No Junk Food

Actually worked out today--better than yesterday :) Jumping jacks, squats, crunches, leg lifts, some P90X, stretching, etc. Not fun but I felt good after. Went on a walk last night--doesn't do much but at least I'm moving.

So, I went grocery shopping yesterday. The last couple of weeks I haven't kept too many unhealthy things in the apartment. Helps me to eat better. Also sucks when I want some junk food :) Last week I needed something unhealthy--well, I felt like I needed something unhealthy. No ice cream. No chips. No candy. I settled on a handful of chocolate chips. Haha, been doing that for a few months. Need chocolate and that's all we have. I think I've used them for cookies once in the last few months.

As much as I wanted something junk food-y, I was glad we didn't have much.

Bad Habits Got Me Here

So, it's been a while. Life's been crazy and I honestly hardly write in my own journal anymore. But I feel like I need some motivation and posting here is one of the ways I'm getting that.

I'm chubby. I admit it. I'm not in denial or anything; I just don't know what to do about it. I've never had to focus on losing weight before. From age 3 to age 16 I danced 3 to 6 days a week. I wasn't the most flexible and I wasn't the skinniest. I still had bigger thighs than I wanted. But I was in shape. I could walk up the stairs without getting winded like I do now. I could hike without feeling like I was about to die. It is honestly a miracle I made it through that 14 mile hike last month.

I quit dance and focused on school. Bad habits started. I stayed up till all hours of the night studying. I didn't get much sleep and I snacked my way through it all. I have recently noticed how bad my snacking is. I want to eat something, anything, even after I've just eaten. I could be bored or frustrated or upset or whatever else. And for as long as I can remember I've used food as a reward. If I cleaned my room I got to eat the candy bar. For each paragraph of my AP book I read I got a Nerd. So now I feel like if I go all day eating healthy I should get a bowl of ice cream and after I work out I should get to eat some chips.

I managed to stay a normal weight in high school. The summer after I graduated I started P90X. I loved how I felt after every hour long workout. I felt really good about myself. Then I moved to Provo. I had a small bedroom with no room to exercise. I didn't know how to cook anything besides grilled cheese and pasta. Not that I ate much else. I hated using the nasty, dirty dish covered kitchen. Needless to say, I gained the "freshman 15."

I moved home after my first year at BYU with good intentions to start P90X again and lose all the unwanted weight. I was excited to have my own room to exercise in. But I fell into staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning and sleeping in till after noon. I stacked the whole time. I stayed in pjs and watched TV. Three years of school full-time (summers and evenings--a diploma and an associate's) I needed a break. After a month I started dating my husband and a month after that I got a job. Then I was too busy to and tired to work out. I got up at 5:30, got home at 4:00, wrote in my journal, had dinner, sometimes took a nap, and stayed out till midnight with Spencer.

After six months I moved back to Provo--new apartment, new roommates, same situation. I moved home in the fall and started commuting to BYU, going to school full-time, planning my wedding, getting an apartment, moving in, and spending every free moment with Spencer. We even decided to see how much weight we could lose before the wedding... about two days after we weighed ourselves I stopped trying.

Here I am, summer of 2012, and I can't believe it's gotten this bad. I just finished my Bachelor's Degree and don't have a job yet. I started working out doing whatever I could think of a few weeks ago. I started drinking 8 bottles of water a day--which I only recommend if you can get to the bathroom every hour--at least. I feel like I'm drowning in water. But I feel more healthy for it. I am already a picky eater. I've tried to focus more on learning how to cook the last few weeks. It's difficult to focus on learning to cook anything I might possibly eat and keep it all healthy. I still snack lots but I've tried to eat healthy snacks. I've stopped eating after 8 pm--for the most part. etc, etc.

I've been reading up on losing weight and read somewhere that blogging can help. I think paying attention to what I'm doing enough to write it and sharing with other people so I feel responsible to more than just myself will help. That and I really needed to start blogging again.

I know I had a few followers before and am grateful to them for reading. I would love people to read as I post about how this is all going and would love comments--only nice ones though :)

Movie Marathon

~Every man's memory is his private literature.

~Aldous Huxley

It's been a while. I'm not doing so hot on blogging this month. But since I just did all but one assignment for Wednesday... in less than two hours (granted, I didn't really read all of the sections in Chicago-it was like 150 pages of rules that I will look up when I need them so I can get practice understanding and applying them) I thought I'd blog some :)

I had a great weekend. Went home-as always. Honestly, I'm home so much lately. And I love it. I almost spend more nights at home than I do in my apartment. One might wonder why I don't just move home... well, there are many reasons that I don't want to get into on the internet. But I'll just say I have a love-hate relationship with my apartment and living in Provo.

I saw the new movie "Thor" on Friday... now, I'm not much for the comics and superheros and all that. It was pretty good though. But then I can't compare to anything... Sometimes it seemed to drag on a little but it was worth seeing. I was also thinking how Harry Potter comes out soon! I'm excited about that. But sad the movies will be over. Which is interesting to me because I am a book person and I hate when the turn books into movies. But I guess they did this early enough in my life that it's how it is. I had only read half the books when I saw the first movie so the characters were shaped around the characters in the movie-if that makes sense. They've just been going on so long it may just be sad.

But then, when all the movies are on DVD I'm going to have a Harry Potter movie marathon. Eight movies all in a row. It's totally on my bucket list. I'm pretty excited.

Chicago

~It is the first purpose of hope to make hopelessness bearable.

~Robert Brault

Alright, due to some not-so-fun email issues, I have been unable to get onto blogger. Finally figured them out!

Feeling pretty productive today! Ya, I got nine hours of sleep last night-which I think I needed. I was so freaking tired. I didn't get as much sleep as I normally do the last two nights and have been tired by ten the last two nights... so weird for me. Anyway, I'm almost done with tomorrow's homework and halfway through Monday's!

Is it sad that I'm beginning to love the "Chicago Manual of Style"? No, it's not fun to read. But it is so useful. I'm learning so many things! I really should probably look up if I even wrote the title right, but this is my blog and I'm not going to be a perfectionist here. I did learn this week that there should only be one space after a period. Ya, I've heard people talk about it but I didn't know it was a rule and I despise it. Eww! I like my two spaces :( It's gonna be hard to change...

I did my toe nails today! Silver glitter. Haven't done them in a few months because, well, I've been wearing socks :) Haha, and it was easier to do on my floor at home because it was cement and easy to clean, but I made it work on the kitchen floor in my apartment! I'm getting excited about wearing shorts and Crocs and flip-flops and oh my gosh! I need to stop worrying so much about my writing on here! Judge me all you want if my grammar is wrong! I'm putting all that work into my homework, okay? :)

To Shave or Not to Shave

~I have never been aware before how many faces there are. There are quantities of human beings, but there are many more faces, for each person has several.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

I debated taking a break from blogging because I've tried to be so on top of it... cuz that makes sense... but then I decided I have too much to say :) Even though I believe my journal suffers a little because of my blogging.

Alright, facial hair. I do not like it. I guess it looks alright on some people but still... I think it makes people look messy and un-kept. But that's just me. I'm honestly really glad that BYU has standards for facial hair. Though I don't agree with the allowance of mustaches... Haha, it was pretty funny (and sad) when I was actually at a computer testing lab when a guy was told he had to go shave in the restroom or go home and shave because he wasn't going to be able to take his test. Thing is, you could hardly see he had facial hair at all...

I guess I have a strong opinion about it but not tons to say. It's simple to me-I don't like it :)