19 Days

~We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares. They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves.

~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Here I sit. One paragraph into my paper that's due tomorrow. But I feel pretty good as I've only been home a half hour and have tried to get that far for two weeks. Oh, and I haven't felt well since last night. Should've known. This will be the most stressful week of the semester so far... of course I'd get sick!

It's the last day of January! Not that I like February. Or that I'm looking forward to tomorrow and everything that's happening on the first. But I'm just excited that I'm 19 school days into the semester! Oh, and I don't like February cuz of Valentine's Day-stupid holiday. There shouldn't need to be a day to celebrate love. The candy is good though... hmm, I'll have to buy some gummy candy hearts...

I was thinking the other day that I can count on two hands the number of days I've had class at BYU and NOT had to go to French. Six days for oral tests last year. One day I sluffed. That is sad. Worst class of my college career-every single day. I was excited that next semester it won't be everyday... but then I looked it up for spring. Ya, it's only three days a week. It's two hours a day though... yuck!

Gotta go to Wal-Mart and hope I find a parking spot when I get back. That is the biggest stress of going somewhere-coming back. I miss having a sure spot at my parent's house. And I have to write this paper! Or I'll be up till three this morning... I look at my homework list for the week... haha, somehow everything else actually looks fun :)

Maybe I should start those things while they seem fun...

So Grateful

~Inside my empty bottle I was constructing a lighthouse while all the others were making ships.

~Charles Simic

This next week is going to be rough. I know it. With a French test, French oral, Elang test, British lit paper, scholarship application deadline, all my homework, getting an apartment for spring/summer and fall... I will be going shopping for chocolate tomorrow.

I was thinking on my way back to Provo this morning how grateful I am... and thought maybe listing some things would help me have a better week.

First off, I spent last night in the ER with my boyfriend-the gun he was shooting backfired and cut up his face. Sounds more dramatic than it looked-at least when I saw it several hours later. But he had metal pieces in his eye they had to "drill" out and flush out and everything. But I'm sure it could have been much worse. And I'm so grateful it wasn't.

I'm grateful my family lives close to where I go to school. So I can go home on weekends and for birthdays and Sunday dinners. I don't think I could handle going a whole semester away from them.

I'm grateful we're a month into school. February just sounds so much closer to spring and then end of classes... only to start again, but then it's a clean slate... sort of

I'm grateful for all the wonderful things I have... laptop, cell phone (even when it randomly stops working and then you don't get messages from boyfriends who you would've been able to see, roommates who want to make sure you're not stuck on the side of the road, visiting teaching companions about changed times, visiting teachers who want to come... wow, I missed a lot!), MP3 player, car, internet, hair straightener, etc.

I'm grateful for the gospel-I do not know where I'd be without it. Scares me to think about.

And a million other things I can't think of now and I've lost interest in this blog post right now... haha

Scarlarou Turns Three

~A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

~Bill Vaughan

Ah, 9 am on a Saturday. Such fun. I somehow managed to do all my cleaning check stuff in half an hour... it took me about three last year. Everyone seems really lax about it so I'm hoping they aren't too strict and it doesn't take too long.

And then... I'm off to my niece's birthday party :)

Scarlarou turns three today :)

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget

that he is someone today.

~Stacia Tauscher

While we try to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about.

~Angela Schwindt

Children make you want to start life over.

~Muhammad Ali

There are no seven wonders of the world

in the eyes of a child.

There are seven million.

~Walt Streightiff

I hate French a little more each day...

I just have to say I am really irked by all the instructions for everything for my French class being in French. I am so dang lost on if we have to go to the speaking lab and take an oral exam by Tuesday. Or how to sign up. Or what day our in class exam is. And the instructions he often rushes through after the bell rings. ALL IN FRENCH. Gah! I think I'd rather do math or science for my major than this dumb foreign language crap.

Sorry. Had to vent. My headache is killing me.

Friday's Random Thoughts

~It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

~Author Unknown

One month down!!! Four weeks of school-check! Haha, I know, it's still January, but still...

So, pretty proud of the fact that I've been home for four hours and I haven't watched any TV! Pa-the-tic. I know. Haha, and I can only check off, like, three things on my to do list :(

I've just realized the last two days how screwed I am next week. Why must everything happen on February 1st? I swear-scholarship deadline, paper due, French oral, French written (well, Monday and Tuesday-I'll be taking it Tuesday :), and a million other things, I'm sure. I need to sign for an apartment for this summer too. And declare my minor. And talk to my counselor so I know what to sign up for... along with all my normal homework. Oh! And I have an English Language test next week-and I'm lost doing the homework again-but it is easier this week, which just makes me think I'm really missing the point :)

Alright, my randomness for today...

I love lotion! It smells so good! Haha, it's hard to pick what scent I want most days cuz I have so many good ones :)

I am so glad we have regular spellings for words. Because reading my British Lit. homework is difficult. The same author will spell the same word differently each time. How does that make sense. I spend too much time trying to understand each word-can't focus on the overall piece of literature.

French sucks. Haha, I will always throw that in there. Actually knew what I was doing today though! I just dread next weeks tests.

Chocolate frosting is amazing! Unhealthy-yes. But it's my current chocolate resource. So it works :)

It hit me again the other day how amazing it is to me how many people show up to class everyday in college. How crowded campus can be. Ya, we're paying for it. But I could really miss half my classes and be just fine.

How I've missed having an MP3 Player! Mine stopped working long ago. I used my brother's when I worked full-time. And now I'm using it again-love it! I got to listen to my own music while studying on campus rather than the annoying people who talk really loud or the piano music from down the hall.

I'm ready for spring. I know, I'm a cold, rain, snow, winter person. But I want it to be light later. Want to study outside. Want to not have to bundle up everywhere I go.

And that's all I can think of now :) So there ya go.

My Addiction to Television

~Television is simply automated day-dreaming.

~Lee Lovinger

Hmm, ya, no post yesterday. I was having a wonderful time going home, seeing my family, and going on a date with my boyfriend :) Great night!

So, I lost a day of homework-totally worth it. Haha, and I can't bring myself to do it now. Especially that dang single-word paper in which I have to analyze a single word from Middle English in the Canturbury Tales... and the thesis can't be that every word is important or that one word can mean two things... no idea how I'm gonna come up with a better thesis...

Anyway, so, I finished watching the TV series "Roswell" last week. For the second time. Probably one of my favorite series. Along with "Friends," "Glee," and "The Big Bang Theory." And it was just as good the second time around.

I remember how I felt the first time I finished the series. Pretty sure ending it after season 3 was not the plan-but it was a lame ending. And I was so sad that it was over. That I wouldn't see those characters anymore. That I wouldn't know what really happened.

I know it's not real. That the characters are just actors reading a script. Yet somehow I become so attached to characters. Like in books when my favorite character dies. I'm not ashamed to admit I cry in such instances. And when I finished "Roswell" for the first time it was during the dark period of this last spring when all I did was sleep, eat, and watch TV. Seriously.

It had become my life. I'd watch episode after episode. It was unhealthy. I think I started to wish that I could be part of that. I wanted to live in a TV show. Because things always worked out by the end of the episode. And their lives always seemed so much more exciting and interesting than mine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that none of it is real. That I can't compare my life to theirs. And that's sad.

So here is a just wonderful side of me. My addiction to television shows. Especially the characters. It's a little pathetic. But it's an escape. And it gets me through my own problems.

Irony, Laundry, Snow...

~If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
~Harlan Ellison

Oh, today... Let's just say, I love to find irony in life. It's everywhere, really. So while I'm really mad about having to pay $260 for my sprained ankle, I had to smile at the irony.

I never get hurt. I don't. Never had stitches. Never had a broken bone. Until three weeks ago I'd known how I got all my scars-all three of them.

So, as I've said, I go snowmobiling and sprain my ankle. January 1st. Well, I was kind of excited that I had insurance. BYU requires it. So I went in to an approved insta-care on January 2nd. Paid the $15 up front and got x-rays.

And... I wasn't covered.

Ha-ha, surprise surprise. I called today and found out that first, they hadn't updated everything so I was now covered. And second, that coverage began January 4th-the first day of classes. Which I could have guessed. And I did think about. But I couldn't put any weight on it. It hurt worse than any pain I remember. And I moved out January 3rd. I needed to know.

So there's my irony for the day.

Oh, I finally did my laundry-first time away from home. Last year I took it home on weekends-did it myself, just at home. I have one load drying-cuz somehow it didn't dry for the 50 cents I used before. Haha, I went through my whole bag of quarters today!

Proud to say I didn't turn any whites pink (haha, well, not by washing... let's just say I will make sure my pink towels are completely dry before putting them in the basket next time). And none of my clothes were stolen! It worries me-but I don't want to sit in that dreary room for five hours while I do all my wash.

One more thing. I loved the snow today. It was beautiful. I hated how it made my boots slippery-cuz that was fun falling down in front of everyone going into the Marriot Center for devotional. (heavy sarcasm)

But then, I tend to make a fool of myself at least once a day :)

D&C Class :)

~Prayer may not change things for you, but it for sure changes you for things.

~Samuel M. Shoemaker

I swear I had this great epiphany today. And I was going to share it, but I've forgotten. Sad day.

But, I have to say I had an amazing lesson in D&C! I'm loving this class. I've never looked at the Doctrine and Covenants this way before. Learning all the background and going more in the order everything happened rather than just reading. And, of course, the classroom discussion :)

We talked about personal revelation today. And, as my teacher put it, the "million dollar question" is how to tell if it's your own thought or one from the Lord. I've always had problems with this. But he talked about how the greater the form of revelation (angels and visions) the more they decrease in frequency. And the other way around-that there are more of the smaller kinds of revelations-thoughts and feelings.

Ah, it sounded so much better when he said it. He later said that you hear about people saying they had a feeling of peace but wish they'd seen an angel. But you never hear about people saying they saw an angel and wished they'd had a feeling. Kind of humorous, but it made me think.

Oh, and then I failed the quiz! I'm doing wonderful in a class on something I've been reading my entire life! No wonder I'm failing French-I've only been working on that for two years!

Never Had an Ordinary Day

~No man treats a motor car as foolishly as he treats another human being. When the car will not go, he does not attribute its annoying behavior to sin, he does not say, "You are a wicked motorcar, and I shall not give you any more petrol until you go." He attempts to find out what is wrong and set it right.

~Bertrand Russell

Since it's Sunday I thought I'd do more of a church related post. I don't know why but I was reminded of this song when I was in church today. It was brought up in a lesson last year and I loved listening to it on YouTube.

I love hearing stories from the beginning days of the church and Joseph Smith. Before I'd heard this song I guess I hadn't thought too much about Emma.

It's hard to imagine all the things she had to go through. All the trials that Joseph endured. The children she had to bury. All the work she did in behalf of the church. And then when Joseph was murdered.

I think this is a song worth listening to :)

Sentence Parsing

~We should have a great fewer disputes in the world if words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

~John Locke

I'm just sitting here, trying to parse sentences. It sucks. I am honestly fascinated by the English language. But it is so dang complicated!

I had problems with parts of sentences in elementary school. Never got it. I remember the big, yellow, soft-cover text books we used. I had no clue what a direct object was. Nor did I care. Didn't think it was that important.

I knew what a noun was-person, place, or thing, right? covers just about everything :) And verb-"it's what you do!"

Psh! how wrong I was. I am now to forget everything I learned-haha, good, never really learned it-and learn about the system of N, V, P, A, D, I, and C. Ya, N is nous, V is verb, and so on. But we're not using the traditional way of figuring it all out. Of course not.

We have to go through tests of free-order stacking or first-order stacking. And if it's mobile and subject-to-verb linking and subject/object linking and if plural inflection is possible and comparative/superlative. Aahhh!

I found it kind of funny reading the 12 page, small print packet I printed on it when it said, "This is not gross injustice on the part of language and grammar teachers. It's just life."

Oh, funny funny. And to have this due on a Saturday and go over it in class on Friday... I spent a good three hours last night parsing and an hour already today... and I'm not done!

My Decorated Wall!!!

~He who limps is still walking.

~Stanislaw J. Lec

Well, here I sit unable to parse sentences. So I thought I'd blog again. I feel more accomplished blogging than writing in my journal. Haha, and since only maybe three people read it... it's almost like a journal!

So, I spent about an hour and a half the other day decorating my wall. Honestly, I always had good intentions to decorate my locker in high school or my dorm room last year... never happened. So I'm pretty proud that I actually did it!

It took a few hours of finding good quotes and fonts and printing and cutting and gluing and cutting again and ordering pictures... but I love it! These are some of my favorite inspirational quotes and pictures :)

They keep falling down though :/ I need to use more putty. And I don't think they're all straight, but I'm working on that. Anyway, thought I'd share it. And I haven't used pictures lately, and I think they make things more interesting... maybe that's what my homework is missing...

Blue Books

~Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one's face.

~James D. Finley

At the beginning of the semester I always have one teacher-usually French-who requires us to have a Blue Book or two. Of course, I've already bought my books so I go to the bookstore and stand in line forever to spend 35 cents each for two or three of said books. Really, their just a few sheets of lined paper stapled together with a blue paper on front.

So I was about to start my French paragraph on the new ending of a five minute film we watched in class this week-at least, that's how I understood the instructions. I do the wrong thing all the time though. Thus goes my French training.

Anyway, after more than two semesters using them, I glanced over at my Blue Book and read the top part. And couldn't help but laugh.

Use my imagination?! Haha, funny. This is an exam book. I'm trying to write exactly what they want me to write. Granted, we use them for homework paragraphs, which I guess is supposed to be creative. But really?

Know what sounds fun?!

~A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

~Chinese Proverb

Ya know what would be really fun?! Going to college!

I'm serious! I would love to take classes I wanted and focus on learning! The thought crossed my mind a while ago that I might want to go back to school later. Ya, ridiculous since I'm here, right?

But I want to take photography. I want to take ballroom and philosophy and psychology. I want to go to learn, not to memorize. I want to focus on what I think is important for me, not what I can regurgitate on paper.

I'm here in this wonderful university with all these amazing books and classes and teachers and I'm not taking advantage of it. Because I'm busy taking classes I hate for a degree I want. How does that work?

It just seems like kind of a waste, that's all.

Reflection on Two Years

~God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?"

~William A. Ward

It's been two years today.

Two years since I woke up to find my parents out of it. Unable to wake them. Two years since I rode in an ambulance, went to the ER, had hyperbaric treatments, and wished they'd let me see my mom.

That Tuesday morning, January 20, 2009, started a very long week of my life. Of sitting in a hospital waiting room 15 hours a day, getting no rest, praying constantly, and watching my family go through it all.

By the way, President Obama has now been in office two years. As of today. Yes, I know this.

It's a very long story. And since all my followers actually know me and know the story, I won't take a very long blog post and explain it. It's more, that reflecting on it two years later... I am so thankful that everything turned out the way it did. There were so many tender mercies that week. I know my Heavenly Father was watching over us.

I was thinking today-instead of paying attention in French-how it's been 700 and something days. How I've lived that many days longer than maybe I would have. And how much has happened to me since then. That my parents and my brother lived that much longer. The last few years on New Year's Eve I've reflected on all I'd done that year. Everything I'd accomplished, everywhere I'd gone, the people I'd met, the lessons I'd learned, and on and on.

And I think that now and for the rest of my life I will reflect on this day, January 20th, how grateful I am for all that's happened in those years.

Yes, I do have focus problems. Haha, maybe they can't all be blamed on CO poisoning. To be honest, I didn't even feel any symptoms. But I was affected. And every time I loose focus for no apparent reason I think about that week. It gives me a chance to be grateful.

iswendiok.blogspot.com

I could write an essay on that

~Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz

I have come to the conclusion that college teachers are lazy. May sound negative, but there you go! French we just do exercises from the book. ELang we just go over the homework from last week and preview homework for next week. I guess my other teachers are pretty good...

Granted, some days when I get to class early I think how it would be smart to pull out my book and review the reading. But then I remember how the lectures never really seem to come from what I read. Or maybe I just miss all the important stuff in the reading...

You know all the stories you read for classes all your life? All the ones you've heard over and over. Ya, there was a war. Ya, they immigrated. Ya, that sickness killed thousands that winter. Ya, I could write an essay on that...

I was reading Mary Rowlandson's account of what happened to her in early American history today and it hit me how it all really happened. I knew that, of course. But all that kind of stuff always seems like it was so long ago. Like I couldn't relate to it now.

But then she talked about her six-year-old daughter that was injured and suffering for nine days before she died when the Indians took them. Not that I have any situation to compare to that, but my niece turns six this year. And I hated imagining what that would have been like for her.

I just found the reading a lot more interesting-even if it was terrible and sad-after that. I read for almost an hour and a half and didn't realize it had been that long! Normally homework reading goes by SO slow.

Back on Your Heads

~Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, I'll try again tomorrow.

~Mary Anne Radmacher~Hershey

For as long as I can remember my dad has used the phrase, "back on my head."

I think when I was younger I understood it based on how I didn't think standing on my head sounded like very much fun. And it made sense cuz he used it in reference to when he had to get back to work.

And now I sometimes think that to myself. Like today, after a three day weekend at home. Or after I get home from vacation. And it always reminds me of my dad :)

I Googled it because even though I know the story/joke, I figured I could find a better wording of it. This one is a little long-winded, but it was the best...

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A sinner dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.

The Devil says to him "You have sinned all your life, for which I'd like to thank you."

"Of course Hell is not a pleasant place, but for your great services, I would like to offer you some options, as to how you would like to spend you imminent eternity in torment. I will show you three rooms and you can decide, which one would be the best one for you."

First the Devil showed the sinner a vast room, which contained millions of other sinners standing on their heads on a cold marble floor. The newly condemned sinner thought "Wow that looks like a really uncomfortable way to spend eternity."

He said to the Devil "Please can I see the next room."

So the Devil showed the sinner another but even vaster room, which contained billions of other sinners, standing on their heads on a warm wooden floor. The newly condemned sinner thought "Wow that looks like a really uncomfortable way to spend eternity, but wood looks a bit softer than marble, so that's where I'll choose, if the third room doesn't look better."

He said to the Devil "Please can I see the third room."

So the Devil showed the sinner another room, which was relatively small and which contained only a few hundred thousand other sinners.

The newly condemned sinner gagged at the over powering stench. This room was full of sinners who were standing upright in pig's excrement. The s*** came up to their chests. However they were drinking cups of coffee.

The sinner asked the Devil "Is it OK for me to talk to some of the inmates here?"

The Devil replied "Be my guest."

So the sinner called over to some of the nearest condemned souls "Does the coffee here taste good?"

They all agreed that it was delicious.

"What sort of coffee do you get?" called the sinner.

"Long black, latte, cappuccino, luwak, alamid, cut chon, expresso, in fact any coffee you could possibly want" was the shouted response.

The sinner turned to the Devil and said "I love coffee. I admit that I detest the smell of pig s***, but at least it would be warm and no doubt I would get used to the smell over time. Please condemn me to eternity in this room."

The Devil granted the wish and the sinner took his place near the back of the room.

Two minutes later the sinner was standing up to his chest in sloppy warm stinking pig manure, sipping a cup of Kopi Luwak. He thought "Wow, considering the terrible things I've done, this isn't bad."

A few seconds later the Devil, who was now brandishing a red hot trident, shouted "OK - the coffee break is over. Get back on your heads".

------------------

I heard it with the first room having manure to their chests, the second to their waists, and the third to their ankles... but every one I found was different :)

Back to Provo

~How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

~From the movie Annie

Back in Provo. So grateful for a wonderful long weekend. And sad to be back.

Really, I like this semester better than last year. Like where I live and my roommates and everything. It's the schooling part that sucks! Haha, yep, the reason I'm here...

I got to go home for three days and an evening. Got to talk to my family and they all came over for dinner on Sunday. I got to see my new nephew, Teague, for the first time. And got to spend time with my boyfriend :)

And now I'm regretting all the things I decided didn't matter before the weekend that I have to start now. But at least it's a short week?!

Dang Book!

~If you wait until all the lights are ‘green' before you leave home, you'll never get started on your trip to the top.
~Zig Ziglar

Home again, home again! Yay! I'm excited. Except, then I have to go back... actually, my roommates are pretty good and I'm having a better time than last year... it's the homework!

Speaking of homework... I am done through Wednesday-except for the one assignment for ELang that is due tomorrow night at six. Well, I didn't think that was a problem. See, all of our class documents are online. So the exercises are online and I email it to the teacher...

Well, here I sit, thinking I'll get it out of the way since he talked about how to do some of it in class today. AND I didn't bring my book.

Last year I brought my backpack home every time just in case I had time or needed to do homework. Never did any. So, I thought I'd save myself some effort and leave it. Such wonderful irony.

So now I can try to do half of it and turn it in on time-or do all of it and turn it in late.

Tough decision.

Another Thursday :)

~The strength of any weakness within us is the degree to which it is feared.

~Guy Finley

Ah, had a wonderful day yesterday! I got to go to dinner with my brother who was close by where I live because of school :) It was great to talk to him.

And I went on a date :) He drove the 45-50 minutes to Provo last night. It had been nine days since I'd seen him and I miss him so much. So it was a wonderful surprise!

Best part about today? My French teacher let us out 20 minutes early so we could go to the University Forum. Condoleezza Rice spoke. I got there 25 minutes before it started and sat, like, four rows from the top of the Marriott Center-never been up that high before. I really enjoyed her talk :)

I also had the first part of my British Literary History rolling final today... yep, four days of class... It was only really on Beowulf-which I didn't particularly enjoy. I looked on the syllabus and those 5 questions today were worth 5% of my grade. So... each was 1% of my final grade. That is kind of scary. Haha, especially since I was really unsure about one question.

I'm SO excited to go home this weekend! To see everyone and meet my new nephew! I'm a little ahead on homework-but I have two assignments tonight that I'm really worried about-I am so totally lost. So that'll be fun!

And I just have to say that I LOVE Taylor Swift! Amazing music! And thank goodness for YouTube! So I can listen to my favorite songs over and over again :)

Building Blocks

~We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

~Mark Twain

Ah, another day of French... I was thinking today of things to write about and I couldn't stop thinking of all the things that frustrate me about school.

Such as when we pass around the roll or sign-up sheets and people just don't pay attention. Maybe I'm just obsessive or something-actually I probably am-but I pay attention to where things are coming and going so I don't have to look like an idiot and disrupt class while I hold the paper and try to pass it to anyone around me who will take it.

Or, and this is purely my fault, when I get confused and the teacher just keeps going and going. There's a point when I realize I'm so far behind that I won't catch up on this train of thought-so I just zone out :) Better then wanting to jump out of my skin I'm so mad at myself for not understanding.

And I realized something today. Part of the reason I feel so inadequate in my classes. There isn't a single class that only involves knowledge from that class. You always have to bring in something else you should have learned.

A girl in American lit today asked if what we were talking about was like this other long word I'd never heard of. The teacher said yes and moved on. Thank goodness for the girl in the back who asked for a definition for the rest of us. Or how we were comparing a concept to the scriptures and how we liken them to ourselves. For those non-members in the class that probably didn't make as much sense.

In my grammar class we talk about adjectives and nouns and verbs and fricatives and on and on. Thank goodness for a life-time's worth of English classes. And yet I think I missed something back in sixth grade-when I remember the ginormous soft-covered textbook we worked out of and I had no freakin' idea what the direct object was or all the parts of a sentence. But grades didn't matter then and I didn't think it sounded important.

I guess I should learn from that that what I'm learning now will be built upon next semester. I should pay more attention. Haha, that's probably why French is so dang difficult. I missed things the first week of 101. And I always just thought about how math built upon itself...

Elevator or Stairs

~Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

~Oprah Winfrey

Well, another day of school... I understood almost all of French class today! And then the one activity I didn't understand in the least bit I got called on for. Good thing I know how to say, "I don't know." Honestly, I think it's pretty lazy how the French teachers work. They just go through activity after activity in the book and tell us to switch partners.

My British Lit. class is in the basement of one of the buildings. After class I had to head up to the fourth floor to the teacher's office to meet with her for the start of the semester. I planned on using the elevator but the button wouldn't stay lit up and the elevator wasn't moving from the third floor.

So, I took the stairs. What the heck, it's good exercise, right? Ya, my legs were burning and I was pretty much hyperventilating by the time I got to the third floor. It. Was. Pathetic.

It was a good thing I was a few minutes early so I had a minute to catch my breath and bring my heart rate down before I talked to my teacher-for a whole of two minutes during which I told her I didn't have any questions... so not worth the trip up the stairs.

I went to the elevator at the other corner of the building to go down :)

So that's my story of the day! Ah, I have ten pages of reading for American Lit. left tonight and then I'm caught up in all my classes this week besides what's due Friday! Which is good, but also makes me feel very unproductive since I don't want to get so far ahead that I won't remember what I read for the class cuz I did it so long ago-if that makes sense.

One at a Time

~Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

~Confucius

Ah, I had plenty to write about when I wasn't listening in class today... haha :)

I just have to say the snow today was beautiful! It was coming down really slowly and lightly when I was walking to my D&C class today and it looked like glitter!

So, sitting in French this morning we were conjugating irregular verbs on power point slides. The teacher would put up je, tu, elle, il, nous, vous, ils, or elles-I, you, etc... and a verb and we'd have to tell him what it was supposed to be.

Now, this is one of the easier exercises. And, though I do still have a hard time with avoir, aller, faire, and etre, I studied and could figure them out. He went through the list, randomly calling on people. I'd mouth most of the answers to myself. Then he called on me for one I wasn't sure about.

If I'd had a minute to think without the whole class watching me and only the threat of losing a point rather than feeling stupid in front of the class I would have figured it out. But I did it wrong.

I don't know why that bugs me so much. I can get C's and D's on French tests and feel like I did really well-cuz I know I didn't know most of it :P But messing up in front of the class is terrible!

Enough on the negative. We are five days into the semester! Four days to a three day weekend in which I get to go home! I'm on top of my homework! Getting along with my roommates! Went to a wonderful CES Fireside last night-totally what I needed to hear :)

Elder Christofferson spoke last night on taking things one day at a time. He spoke of a woman undergoing radiation. She said she didn't think she could take 15 more of them. Her mother asked if she could get through the one that day.

He talked about making resolutions. They may seem daunting when we think of doing them for endless days. But if we wake up each morning and resolve to keep that resolution that day, we can handle it.

I needed that for many reasons. It was a wonderful talk :)

Here is the link for the Deseret News article on it. And here is the broadcast in case you're interested :)

My Small Pity Party

~To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

~e.e. cummings

First day of church in my new ward! Haha, not really that exciting. We were fifteen minutes late... which I hate, but it wasn't too bad. There were enough seats on the back row when we got there.

Ah, and two of my roommates are sick. Fun fun. Everyone else is worried now. But this apartment is so much cleaner than last year! It's wonderful. So even though I get sick all the time seemingly, it shouldn't be too bad....

Anyway, I was thinking today how my emotions go all over when I'm away at college. Not terrible, just, my attitude changes all the time!

And then I remembered what a lot of people said in my student ward last year. We were all freshman and had just moved to BYU. They kept pointing out how they felt so average here. Because, not to sound prideful or anything but, we were supposed to be smart students.

Which, I guess I kind of used that as an excuse when I didn't get the best grades-because everyone else was supposed to be smart that it was okay if I wasn't as good as them.

And then I kind of feel insignificant. There are so many people here. Sometimes it's like I'm just another face in the crowd. Another name on a list. Another grade. Someone taking up space... Haha, this sounds a little depressing.

I had a little bit of a pity party for myself for a minute in church.

But this year is gonna be better than last year. I'm sure of it :)

Weekends

~Home is not where you live but where they understand you.

~Christian Morgenstern

Is it weird that I can't wait for the weekend to be over?

Yes, yes it is. Well, I don't feel like doing my homework. And I don't know anyone here in wonderful Provo. I've been shopping, go get ice cream, to a dance... with my roommates. But nothing to do now.

Besides, I get to go home on Friday! For three days! Ya, it's only been five days here... but I miss home. More like I miss family and everyone. And I feel better about myself when I'm busy. And classes give me something to do.

I've been watching "Roswell"-for the second time around. It was the show I got really attached to last spring. Really pathetic really.

I'm having this problem with my external hard drive. See, I think college apartments need more outlets. Actually, everyone needs more outlets. I have a thing that splits one into three... but my plug for the drive is large and can't be put next to another plug. Having an alarm, laptop, and drive in one plug isn't gonna work...

But I'll fix that when I can go home and to the store :)

Sorry I've been posting so much. This one brings me up to the equivalent of one for each day this year so far :) And it's not my good writing. More, just ramblings. But there you have it.

English Major?

~If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.

~Author Unknown

First off, what possessed me to become an English major. This is not what I like to do. Read seventy page poem things that are supposedly miraculous. Bleh! Who decided that?

I just want to write. To read things that are from THIS time period. Maybe the wrong view for an English major. Sorry. But that's how it is. I love reading. I do. But I like to read things I like. Duh, I know.

And the French thing, I understand. Learning the structure of another language teaches me about my own. But the fact that that one class requires more of my time than any other, is ridiculous.

There's my little rant. If I could just take creative writing classes I would. And religion. I actually do like those ones-even if they are CLASSES-with test and essays and everything. Not like institute, but at least I'm getting credit for it, right?

I thought many times last year how I would change my major just to get out of taking French. But I am smart enough to realize I would have to take math or science or something else I have just as hard a time with then...

There went my dreams of going into architecture...

But soon I'll be able to say I studied English-even though I will have forgotten the plot or structure or hidden meanings of "Beowulf."

Mistakes

~You will turn over many a futile new leaf till you learn we must all write on scratched-out pages.

~Mignon McLaughlin

You know those times when you say something remarkably stupid. Wish you could take it back. Freak out inside every time you think about it...

Pretty sure I have one of those moments everyday.

No really. I do say stupid things every single day of my life. But I'm talking about the things you really wish you could take back. Like when you didn't think about how you worded something and as it's coming out of your mouth you just know the other person is going to take it wrong. And even when you apologize and explain yourself, you're never really sure how they feel about it.

Or you misunderstand someone and answer incorrectly based on what you thought. (Happens to me ALL the time in French). Yep, pretty much I just had to say that. Cuz it's frustrating me.

A Thursday...

~Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I could totally fall asleep right now. Which is sad cuz I got eight hours of sleep last night... and it's not even four. But when I nap, I nap for at least three hours...

Starting this post with no actual direction... I think I forgot how much stress comes with school. Not trying to be negative either. Just, there's more than just homework and class and studying. There's the shopping and cooking and laundry and payments and deadlines with registration and housing and scholarships. Haha, like there's always something I'm gonna forget.

I'm feeling slightly stranded here without my car. Not like I usually drove it everyday... just knowing it was there ~sigh~

Haha, don't mean to be dramatic. Ya, I couldn't drive it up here so I'll get it next weekend. By the way! My ankle is doing so well! I walked with the whole bottom of my foot today! And only a slight limp! I'm still using braces and icing and limping for caution, but I'm pretty excited :)

So, there's always a class you dread the most. At least, for me there is. Really sucks when the class you dread is the one you have every day. French will be the death of me. And if not me, my GPA.

And then there's at least one assignment that the teacher tells you about the first day that you just hope they'll forget about. This semester, I have to memorize and recite the first 18 lines of "The Canterbury Tales"-in middle English. Haha, not funny. It'll be cool to be able to do, but, oh my.

My teacher said that that's one of the cool things about an English major. People will hear what we majored in and laugh and ask what we could do with that or where it got us... and we'll be able to recite that...

~2010~

~We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.

~Ellen Goodman

Alright, gonna hear a lot about school. Haha, so I've been to all my classes now. Today was less intimidating than yesterday-though French just scares me to death in general. And I can't get my English Language site to work. Or my French one. And I'm worried about my apartment stuff online...

But I'm organizing everything and making a calender and starting homework and feeling better about getting through the semester. Getting through. How sad is that.

So, I was thinking a few weeks ago about all the things that happened to me in 2010. And I wanted to post about it-even if it is a few days after the new year :)

It's amazing to me how much can happen and change in a year. I remember the first week of 2010-moving back to Provo, starting classes. The first FHE that week and going on an interesting date with my FHE brother... which set things up for an interesting semester.

And starting classes again-and actually knowing people on this big campus. Going a month without going home (which I know shouldn't be a big deal, but I'll just say it's a good thing I go to school close to home and hope to always live close to Salt Lake). The first year "anniversary" of our carbon monoxide poisoning. Bronwen's first birthday...

Then there was the spring and finals week and dying to get out of my dorm. I remember moving out-carrying it all to my car alone in the rain. And looking around the room I'd lived in for eight months and only feeling a twinge of sadness for what could have been... and being so excited to move home.

The trip to Arizona to visit family and finally feeling free. Haha, and then there were the six to eight weeks of nothing. It was wonderful and yet I don't know how I wasted so much time. I stayed up until three or four. Slept until noon. Watched TV in my pajamas. Snacked all day. Put off getting a job or getting ready for Paris.

Accepting the offer to be set up-something I'd never thought I'd do. And having it go well. I think it was then that I was pulled out of my fog of two months. Going on my first second date and everything after that.

Having my first job interview and getting my first full-time job. Working 6:30 to 3 five days a week. Working overtime one Saturday a month. Working for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Sewing. Eight hours a day. Still can't believe I did that for five months. Or that I got as fast as I did.

The week at Snowbird with my family and trying to make the most of it because we only go every other year... and who knows where I'll be in two years. Being exhausted from work everyday and staying out until midnight or one anyway :)

Deciding not to go to Paris. Can't believe I had the chance to go to Paris and turned it down. Yet, feeling all the pressure come off with that decision. Feeling hope as the leaves started to change colors and the nights got chilly.

Putting in my two weeks at work and feeling sad even when I needed to get out of there. Working my last day and going Christmas shopping and the family party and vacation and Christmas! Loving the cold and the snow and the season. And ending the year in Jackson Hole :)

And I know there are a million things I didn't mention. And I can't even measure how much I've changed in the last year. Sometimes I wish I could. Others, I think maybe it's best that I can't.

But I'm excited for what 2011 will bring :)

Teague Liam McCool

~When babies look beyond you and giggle, maybe they're seeing angels.

~Eileen Elias Freeman

My adorable new nephew I can't wait to meet! He was born January 3, 2011 :)

First Classes

~It doesn't make much difference what you study, as long as you don't like it.

~Finley Peter Dunne

First day of classes... oh my. So, I usually have a hard time sleeping some place new. I woke up so much last night though. I had a brace on my ankle and it was cutting into my foot. I should have taken it off but I remembered the pain from the first night and every time I rolled over...

So I got up, got ready, and headed to campus-45 minutes before my first class, hobbling on crutches. Ya, those things are exhausting. I would go back and forth-crutches and limping. Limping was easier, but hurt. Haha, I probably looked pretty interesting carrying my crutches while I limped around.

Anyway, I got to my building about 25 minutes before class started and read a novel I got for Christmas :)

French 201 was first. Let's see, there was a girl from the study abroad I was going to go on. And there was a girl from my high school. I understood some of what the professor said, not as much as I wanted. We had to talk to someone and then introduce them to the class. Always fun-haha. And we got homework-and he admitted we'd have a lot.

I had an hour break before British Literary History part 1... I am not excited about that class. The class was interesting in that most English classes have at least 75% girls... I think it was almost reversed. The teacher had really good rating on rate my professor so I was excited about that. First off she gave us three reasons not to take the class...

1-we are covering over 1000 years of literature-meaning a "butt-load" of reading

2-she is a hard grader on essays and such

3-I think this one was about how she didn't skim things-such as possibly not as appropriate things. And she'll swear sometimes

She really had lots to say to make the class sound terrible. We introduced everyone and such and started material. What I want to know is how literary history teachers can talk and talk and I have no idea where they are coming from or how everything ties together...

I managed to hobble back to my apartment-I was shaking from the effort. So now I'm pretty sure I'll be in my apartment the rest of the night :) Not that I have a problem with that, I just feel like I should be busier and going and doing stuff. I don't know.

Starting Off 2011...

~New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.

~Hamilton Wright Mabie

It's a new year! And I honestly have a ton to say. First off, I just moved into my new apartment at BYU :) School starts tomorrow... even though it doesn't feel like it.

It's gonna be a good year. I know everyone says that, but really.

January 1, 2011-snowmobiling in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I'd never been snowmobiling before. Not that I remember-(I always feel weird saying never cuz I don't remember everything from when I was a kid)

It was exciting-of course :) But also scary. Alright, I may be kind of a wuss, but I could just see myself getting injured.

Three two-person snowmobiles and we were off. Two miles in we stopped because two of the others saw a moose. They went around the trees from where we were to see it better and came back running.

They hopped on their snowmobile and took off... and crashed. But I was too busy crashing to notice. We tipped over hardly moving at all. Sounds like it should have just been funny, huh? Haha, ironic we both crashed at the same time.

But while the guy I was riding with got up fine, my foot was pinned underneath the handlebar on the side of the back seat. It hurt, we kept riding (after only two miles, I wasn't gonna ruin the trip), we went back to the condo, it was swollen, I iced it and such... long story short, I have a badly sprained ankle.

Yes, it's just a sprain, but I couldn't put any weight on it yesterday. I now have giant Ibuprofen pills, a brace, and crutches... yes, I'm supposed to use my foot, but walking to and from and all over campus... I need some help.

They are exhausting though. Tomorrow will be interesting :P Honestly though, I can see a lot of reasons why I needed this. Maybe I'll get to all that in another post though :)