Indolent

~A total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.
~Mignon McLaughlin

I am lazy. There, I said it. Sometimes it's nice to just be lazy... but there are no breaks from being lazy-if that makes sense. You can't relax from relaxing. It's like when you're on a hike and you stop for a break. You're half way up a mountain and you sit down, take a drink, and eat a snack. The next step is to get back to work hiking the mountain. You're stuck in the middle of the trail, it's not like there is another way out.

I have a flashcard with "indolent" written on it posted on my bulletin board.

On the back of this card is the definition: lazy, idle

This was a vocabulary word in my Honors English class Junior year... two and a half years ago. I don't know how it ended up on my board. In the fall I was dedicated and made tons of flashcards-went through them all the time. The stack was ginormous. I'm guessing I threw the rest of them away, but that one is still posted on my wall.

I could take it to be something of a motivation to NOT be indolent... but I've just become used to it :) Really though, it's become one of only 10 or 20 vocabulary words I remember from that class. It was kind of a joke with my friend for a while. I can see the irony in it. We studied sometimes, but the word we remembered meant "lazy."

So, I may be lazy, but I'm aware of it :) Haha, I actually started stretching today so I can start working out-as much as I hate working out :/ And, I'm trying to blog everyday and keep up on things. I just had to take a break to be lazy after the semester ended and I finally had a break from school after almost three years... I just didn't think it would take a month :P

Flash Forward

~He said, "We're all prophets now." And ya know, I can't think of a prophet worth a [darn] that didn't suffer. And I also can't think of a prophet that God didn't love.
~Flash Forward

I used to think I might want to know how I died. Wow, my starting sentences seem to come out bad lately :) Just the idea that if we could know, I would have wanted to. I don't think I would now. I've been watching the TV show Flash Forward. Everyone in the world looses consciousness for two minutes and seventeen seconds and sees what their life will be like six months in the future. I know it's a show, but it doesn't seem so grand.

I wouldn't want to be tortured thinking, if I wanted it to happen, if it really would. I wouldn't want to worry that, if I didn't want it to happen, that it would. In one of the first episodes it says, "You'd think knowing the future would make us less concerned about it. But just the opposite has happened: the future is what all of us are living for now, it's what we're living by."

It's like after I watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." I wondered what the world would be like without me. Actually, that was kind of depressing :) Lately I've noticed there are some things I would just rather not know, some things I just don't ask because I'd rather believe as I want. Alright, I learned that with a friend in high school who was into "blunt honesty." Since then I've learned not to ask things unless I want the truth-good, bad, or ugly.

I don't think I'd really want to know-what it would be like if I wasn't here, what's going to happen in six months, a year, five... or even how and when I will die. It would feel like a ticking clock... wondering how my life leads up to that point, if I can avoid it...

If You Want Me To

~No man, however great, is known to everybody and no man, however solitary, is known to nobody.
~Moore

So, I've felt pretty unmotivated for a while now. Ya, depressing way to start a post; but a good starting point. I also used to listen to my MP3 player all the time. It started out as a way to block out all the swearing on the bus ride to school... but it became a way to make myself feel better or upbeat or happy. I've had problems with the batteries lately and usually just look up songs on YouTube to listen to :)

Well, I went to the temple last week and found myself going through the words to an EFY song in my head. I usually have a song in my head but I haven't listened to EFY music in a while. It surprised me but made me feel really good. The song is called "If You Want Me To" and it's by Ginny Owens.

The pathway is broken

The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reasons why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

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Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I'll walk through the fire

If You want me to

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It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

----------

So when the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will walk through the darkness if You want me to

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Cuz when I cross over Jordan

Gonna sing, gonna shout,

Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You

And I will walk through the valley

If You want me to

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Yes, I will walk through the valley

If You want me to

Friends

~A friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
~Elbert Hubbard

Yesterday I hung out with some of my friends from high school. Some I see every week or so; others I see every three or four months. And while I've missed hanging out with them, it was like a flashback. We all look a little older. We've all had jobs, gone to school, or moved out. But I was surprised by how the same everything was.

I'm really glad I go to BYU because there is no way I could handle another college environment-I know myself. After a month or two at BYU I was back at Copper Hills picking up my brother from school and visiting my lit-mag teacher. I was surprised by the swearing, immodesty, and overall bad environment... which I was happy about on some level-happy that I noticed it. I had become desensitized to it all in seventh grade-I was happy that didn't last.

I guess I had kind of forgotten how bad it could get with some of my friends. I've forgotten how to think through everything I say just in case it might be taken wrong. This isn't to give a bad image of my friends. I'd have to say one on one they guard themselves better than in a whole group and not all of them are like that. But it's been a while since I felt like the innocent outsider who didn't get what everyone was laughing at every two seconds.

But I love that we have things we can laugh about from high school and that I still talk to them-often or not. I only wish some of us went to the same college :)

Texting

~The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.
~Bill DeWitt

I really like texting. This isn't hard to believe when you know me because I hate talking on the phone. Okay, I don't just hate it-it scares me. I really do literally shake and freak out. I actually use my phone to call people maybe once or twice a week.

So, some things really do need to be discussed on the telephone, it's true. But a lot of things can be said over text. No, you can't hear tone of voice or any of that, but there are other ways. I honestly love to use the little smiley faces and exclamation points for emphasis. And I'll use things like idk, btw, and maybe ttyl. But I really really dislike lol. Whether it is put in the middle of a sentence or the only thing in the text, it drives me crazy. I guess, in my head, it sounds mocking :/

I admit, I use "haha" quite a bit-depending on who I am talking to. But it sounds more like what a laugh would sound like-at least to me. Maybe the people I text find it offensive or annoying too...

I've also learned that how fast you answer a text says a lot. I guess this goes without saying. But I hate to wait to respond when I get a text-drives me crazy. Immediately means you're eager-or waiting-or always on your phone, I guess :) Give it a couple of minutes and it's pretty much the opposite.

I don't text all the time or that many people anymore, but I love the option to text :)

Pictures :)

~I hate cameras. They are so much more sure than I am about everything.
~John Steinbeck

For the record, I don't hate cameras-I just thought this was a very interesting quote and a different way to look at pictures :)

So, I'm working on remembering to use my camera. I never seem to have it when I could get a good picture. That, and I feel weird walking around taking pictures or trying to get people to pose for me. So, here are my attempts in the last week or so at taking more pictures :)

So, Bronwen got shots on Friday :( She slept a lot on Saturday and this is probably my favorite picture-she looks so comfortable :)

Sometimes when Mom is gone, Bronwen won't do anything but sit on the couch and wait for her. This is from one day we thought she would be home soon... under that pink blanket, ya, that's Boz's head :)


Bronwen likes the dogs next door. She'll go to one part of the fence, bark or just look through the cracks, and race to another part of the fence and do the same thing. It's pretty cute :)


This is Bronwen's favorite toy :)



Biege, Boz, and I were sitting on the couch and took a ton of silly pictures. This is one of the most normal looking ones :)


This is one where we were ALL being silly.

We were outside-for some reason-and Boz and I found this pile of ants. (what do you call a bunch of ants? Swarm? Gaggle? Gang? Herd? Haha, idk)

Boz took my camera and got some pretty cool pictures. This is one of my favorites :)

Had to Write SOMETHING

~Laziness in nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
~Jules Renard

Well, it's been a while. But with all four of my followers being family, since I moved home I haven't felt much need to blog. Or maybe it's safer to blog when I'm at college because I don't see the people who read it. Haha, or maybe, I'm just lazy. Yep, that's pretty much it :)

I've been out of school for almost a month now and have done absolutely nothing productive. In fact, I am very behind on a lot of things now. This is the longest I've gone without going to school since I started my junior year...almost three years ago. As ready as I was for a break, school provides structure and keeps me doing something-helps me feel productive. Haha, I almost don't know what to do anymore.

I have always loved to read. In fact, it is a weakness. I can pick up a book and read for hours and hours-caused many a late night. I still love to read but don't read much for fun because of school-especially as an English major. In the summer I read a lot of fun but pointless books that I forget as soon as I start the next one. In fact, I was just at the library today and I get some really teenage, drama, high school books... oh well :)

Lately I have also watched a lot of TV... almost better than movies because you can actually see the characters' lives and not just an important event or a month of time. But I have learned I become too attached to characters :/

I think it's fun to get out of my own life and not worry about everything I'm supposed to be doing. But, I guess that's kind of an obvious point. Then again, I've been thinking about it-I may wish I was in a certain situation or had a certain character's life... but I wouldn't just want their experiences. I'm very glad we have books, TV, and movies so I can "experience" all kinds of different things :)