"It is not the ctitic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

~Theodore Roosevelt

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Would have been Paris...

~Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.
~Sholem Asch


Today I would have come home from Paris.

Would have. Sometimes it's hard to believe I didn't go. Others I can't believe I was going to. Like I've said before, I see the pictures on Facebook from several of the people who went. They look like they're having a great time. I just cannot picture myself there with them.

Ya know, there were a lot of reasons I didn't go. Don't want to get into that. And I know it would have been a great learning experience and all. But I can't bring myself to regret staying home.

Back in August every time I saw an airplane in the sky my stomach dropped and my heart felt sick. I didn't want to leave Utah. I didn't want to miss everyone. I didn't want to deal with it all. I was counting down days until today, December 4th. I wanted it to be the day I was coming back when I should have been counting down to September 8th, the day I would have left.

So I stayed at Beehive, worked an extra three months. Been living back at home for seven months now. And, I admit, now that I would have been back, it doesn't seem like it would have been that long. Like maybe if I could have experienced what I would have if I'd gone and didn't have to actually be gone three months...
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1 comment:

  1. Corey WilkeyDecember 8, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    I totally understand the feeling! at least you feel like you dont regret it. it didn't feel right, so you didnt go! i think thats a hard decision to make, but you did, and that makes you awesome!

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