Tension

There are few places that I can think of in which I can feel tension as if it were tangible. For one, well, it's more of a situation. There are some Sundays, sitting in Sacrament, were you see how things are going and you just know there will be extra time. Those are the days you pray for the speakers to keep going or an intermediate hymn with five verses and a chorus. The bishop gets up with ten minutes left and you wouldn't mind going to the next meeting early. When this happens I go over reasons in my head-like why I would be one to have to go up. After a youth conference or girls camp they tend to call participants up-things like that. As of yet, I have not been called up which, in my mind, means my time is coming.

It's hard to describe the feeling in the room. It's almost like it is hard to breath, like the whole room is holding its breath, everyone sitting stiff. (And the bishop drags out the suspense...) This tends to happen a lot in my student ward-I would guess it is because we are used to giving 3-5 minute talks, not 7-10 :)

The other thing that easily comes to mind when I think of tension is the testing center. It is a terrible place-though I do prefer it to timed tests in class when you can't pick what time you take it. My Book of Mormon teacher joked last week about the testing center having twice the size janitorial staff so they could wipe all the prayers off the ceiling.

Walking into that building your stress level automatically goes up because that feeling of tension is so heavy in the air. You pass people in every corner, along every part of the wall, and even up the stairs desperately cramming. Sometimes I just want to plop down next to them and try to cram myself. But I know it would do me little good as there comes a point when more studying will only help you forget. The first time I walked into the room you actually test in, I was amazed at its size, the amount of people at all the desks, row after row crammed together. Even when you pick a desk and sit down, the people next to you could have been there for hours already. It's the heavy sighing, everyone sifting in their seat, the rustle of papers in the large room and high, empty ceiling.

But I am grateful I can look up, trying to remember vocabulary words in French-how to say doll, teddy bear, or 'to do the dishes'-and see the inspirational pictures and the picture of Christ. I'm glad some of that tension goes away, that I can focus. I can honestly say that every test I have taken there I have written things I didn't know I knew, fixed verbs I didn't know I wrote wrong, do better than I would have without the Lord's help. I may not get straight A's, I may still feel the stress and tension circle around me occasionally, but thank goodness it doesn't last.