163.4

Lowest weight yet this morning. I was 163.4! That's 8.5 down from where I started. Hope it lasts. I've been thinking lately that I wish I had measured myself before I started trying to lose weight. I didn't really want a picture of how chubby I really was--aside from the fact that I don't have anything revealing enough to see just how bad it was nor would I wear something like that...

Some days I almost feel skinnier. Most days I don't. Yet some how there are 8 pounds that have disappeared from somewhere. I wish I knew if my legs or arms or stomach had shed some centimeters--or whatever is reasonable for this much weight.

So, I've been sick. Just a cold--sore throat, headache, achy, etc. Not fun. Luckily I have nothing to go do with my life and can sit at home being sick. Seriously though. I haven't really been able to exercise. I did have a job interview on Tuesday. It was for a part time mail clerk position at Emdeon. Still haven't heard back. I've applied for a whole bunch of  jobs and this is the only interview I've gotten. I have received several emails saying companies were going with someone else though.

Distractions

Alright, so, I just felt like getting this out. I was sitting here trying to get the motivation to work out--thinking how I didn't need to do anything or talk to anyone if it would make me feel stupid. I've only worked out a half hour this week because of such things. It's been one of those weeks where I feel like crap because of a million things and I take it out on myself. Good thing we don't have anything too unhealthy for me to binge on.

Anyway, I'm about to get up and start exercising when the phone rings. I hate the phone. And I hate when numbers I don't know call. And I hate that right now, I have to answer them. I've been applying for a bunch of jobs and every phone call is a hope that I could get an interview. It's also very, very scary. I have yet to get an interview but I've had at least 4 calls about furthering my education. Seriously! I JUST finished my education.

I've figured out that it's just because they are sneaky and stick their forms right after or in the middle of a job application and I get in this mode. I fill out every box one after another of the same information over and over and over and I hardly look at what it's for anymore. They are very smart. Getting me to put in my information at a time they know I'll answer every phone call in hopes of a job. It is killing me.

Mmmm

Well, I don't know that I'll be weighing myself for a few days. Pretty sure I gained weight this week. I justify with the fact that it was my birthday. I also know that my body just doesn't take a day off putting on the pounds in honor of such a thing as my birthday.

Between the cheesecake, the banana cream pie, the cupcake, the chocolate bar, and the late night pizza I know I'm hurting. I feel fatter--but maybe (hopefully?) just cuz I'm worried about it...

I love finding inspiration on Pinterest. Great quotes, workouts, and examples of weight lose. Problem: the girls who loose 9 lbs in two weeks. Really?! I'm comforted by the fact I know 1-2 pounds a week is HEALTHY. But man would I love to drop 9 lbs that fast :)

1/2 Pound

Yay! I weighed myself this morning and am down another 1/2 pound! I don't entirely understand how it works but I am happy. See, I don't eat the best on weekends. It's hard when I sleep in and eat later and then we're out doing something during dinner time and eat late. Not to mention the cheesecake. Yet my weight still goes down.

I have now lost 6.3 pounds in five weeks. I love the fact that this is the lowest I've been in months. It's too much to just be a fluctuation. It may go up a little every few days but then it goes down farther than before :) I just can't wait until I can SEE the difference--SEE that I've lost weight.

I suck at titles

Alright, so, I've been impressed with myself lately. Not trying to be cocky or anything. There were two times in the last week that I got on the scale and the numbers went up. I put on my workout clothes, exercised, ate a good meal, and moved on. There have been many times I've held myself back--not getting what I want to eat or only have one or two pieces of chocolate instead of a handful.

My progress has been slow. I think part of it is that I still eat some desserts and I think part of it is that I am picky and only like so many healthy things. But I have resigned myself to this being a slow process. One of my motivational quotes: "It took more than a day to gain it; it'll take more than a day to lose it." Not trying to be negative, but it's true.

My weight still hasn't gone below 166.1. In fact, it went up a little this morning. I just remind myself of the fact that for months I was regularly 173. And I remind myself that I have stayed below 167 for over a week. Some days I think I see a difference in myself. Others I think I may have gained. One thing I hate though is when I refuse myself so many things and try to do everything right and my weight goes up the next day. Life I guess.

Lost Weight :)

Alright, so I weighed myself today! I get so excited and nervous and worried every time I step on the scale now. The last few times the weight has gone up or stayed the same. It's been depressing but I hold onto the fact that it is staying below 170. Let me just give some numbers.

I started weighing myself in April. I started at 170.7 and fluctuated up and down one pound for weeks. In May the numbers started going up to 173.5 occasionally. June 1st I hit my highest--174.2. Noting the fact that I wasn't focusing on working out or eating right much. I was just becoming more aware of the need for me to start.

July 10th I weighed myself, started exercising and watching what I ate, and blogged about it. I was 171.9. A week later I was down to 169.3. And five days after that I was at 167.8. In the last two weeks I've gone up. I realize this happens. Weight fluctuates--the very reason I don't weigh myself everyday anymore. But when that would happen and I felt crappy about other things in my life I would eat more than I knew I should...or just bake brownies and eat half the pan. Some days I feel like exercising is pointless, others I try to do as much as possible.

This morning I weighed 166.5 :) I am down 5.4 pounds in 25 days. Not amazing but it's something.

I read somewhere that it helps to use social media to tell everyone what you eat. You don't want to admit to all your friends that you pigged out on brownies when everyone knows you're trying to lose weight. I was going to do that here. I still might. But even the thought of it makes me want to eat better.

I like the fact that I have lost weight--even though I had a handful of Mike n Ikes and that I had a snack at 10 the other night. I'm realizing that this isn't just a diet, I'm trying to change me life. Sounds cliche, I know. But I don't want to lose weight and gain it over the holidays. I'd be right back here. I don't know how many times I can keep going back and forth. I'm trying to train myself to be happy with one cookie. To take almonds to the movies instead of a box (or two) of candy. Yesterday I did have two candy Kisses at my parents' house--but only two. And I didn't take any home. Every time I turn down something I know I would like and know I would eat too much of, I feel a little better about myself.

I can't wait to be able to fit into my jeans this fall and look cute in my clothes again. I'm sick of being self-conscious about my stomach. I fold my arms a lot in church just to feel better about my weight. I like to sit on the couch with a pillow in my lap because it covers my stomach. It's part of the reason I've always loved to wear baggy sweatshirts when I'm upset--to not worry, not suck in, and just be comfortable. Someday I hope to be able to do that in everyday clothes.